finally, home (:

after three hours flight from hong kong
i'm back in town (:
no matter what, i still prefer my family
it's different compare to others
i love the warmest, laughters and closeness between us
this is what i call , a family

new year eve, tonight
hours later we'll wave bye to 2008 and welcome 2009
after hours, 2008 will be our memories
and in 2009 new year with better life

wishing for the best :)

p.s anyone who forget my 21st bday, i'm serious about this, i won't pick up your call or see you anymore. take it or leave it.

: )

to you:



o(n_n)0 [[[ Merry Christmas ]]] o(n_n)o

may all heart filled with warmest laughters


love by,
girl on road

back from korea

i'm back with a couple of photos.
so basically, the whole entry will be full of it.
sit back , relax, and enjoy : )


on plane ...

Josephine and me
don't know why, we simply can talk non stop even there's an eight years gap btw
a cafe's deco at the lobby of our hotel
arrived at Incheon(仁川) International Airport
Korean BBQ nearby hotel at Kangnam (江南)Supper time!
Mr. R and me , lunch time at MyeangDong(明洞)
random snap on street
sweet potatoes. yummy!
using T Money Card we travel a lot
very famous environment project 清溪川
super-act-cute me at krispy kreme
not forgetting to put my Mr R in the pic
my new friend who just married from taiwan to hong kong
enjoying some korean food all along the street at In-sa-dong (仁寺洞)
going to the old palace (景福宮)
if you think this is funny..... wait til you see the next one
i don't know why, but we took it for fun
and the worst photo i've ever taken ......
i can't believe it's so hedious!
Mr R tied that for me, and Jack just took a pic. I have no idea it look so stupid.
i actually enjoy the food : )
it's breakfast and we're having real full sushi sashimi set = =
love the little deer but unsure if we can bring it back, so might as well just take a pic, secretly.. shhhh..
another photo of us.

let me put a fullstop here.
more photo to go, but i'm too lazy.

take care

girl on road

flying soon

I'm going to Korea soon.

was so excited when Mr R break the news to me
his dad is going Korea for business
and bringing us together : )
well, i mention this in my previous post
but now i'm so looking forward to have this holiday
went china the other day with Jack and Josephine
Josephine is Jack's wife, Taiwanese
surprisingly, we can talk and we talked, a lot
i'm pretty sure our trip together to Korea will be fun
bought a couple of warmer clothing with a little fashion sense
since i cannot spend too much on winter clothing
budget myself to buy a black jacket, 3tops, 2 boots
ohhh.. and a super warm pink gloves

saving for my Canon EOS 1000D
my very first DSLR
should I ??


this Sunday ..... see me in Korea

p.s my lady who's happily traveling in Europe, don't forget my 21st present.


girl on road

korea, soon

it's been a week in Hong Kong
honestly, i do feel like my 2nd home now
despite that i missed my family
which include my lovely parents, adorable sister & brother
oh, lets not forget the food too
Mr R mom is applying a residential card for me
residential... hmmmm half true
i'm not marry to this guy
so, frankly speaking, i shouldn't take it
anyhow, who cares ?

after a week
still stuck in Tsuen Wan, Tuen Mun and Sha Tin
which is like suburb
not city yet
there's too much place to hang around
even shopping mall downstairs
(oh, i'm living in a very classy condo i must say)
i haven't finish exploring shops around living area
so, maybe, city when my family is here for christmas

exciting news!
Mr R's father is bringing us to Korea
is not like i never go to Korea before
but i know this trip is going to be different
3 couples, not tourism group done by agents
we're going by ourselves
places we wanted to go have to be well-planned
and the weather in Seoul is like on average -7celcius
isn't that cool? cause i don't have any winter clothes
well, not my fault.
who will bring winter clothes for Malaysia??
i should bring my Colombia jacket that i wore for ski
aikz ..

enjoy some pictures :)
melbourne airport
big big wardrobe but not enough for me
top of the mountain
my very first time walking up to real mountain
Mr R playing muscular
there's a mini-gym 'room' on top the mountain
the group walking up
purple : Tracy ( she really look like Joey)
white : Billy
and yes, we're on double-date

Pierce Brosnan , my man!

after 9 hours 25minutes on air
finally, landed safely on HK international airport

movie watched on plane: Mama Mia
i know, a little out dated
but still, i watched :)
loving it <3>Pierce Brosnan !!!
how can anyone replace such gentle and hot guy
seeing him casting in Mama Mia makes me happy :)
so, i better not waste my time for the new one

oh.. got to go
happy holiday!
to me, and to everyone


p.s claudia, anything, please email me or text me/call me at +85295324593


girl on road

New Skin

conspicuously, i changed my skin
i mean, blog's skin
was trying to get in some holiday mood
Green, Red, Deer, Santa, Snow blah blah blah
but i just couldn't find one /.\
disappointed.
anyhow, managed to get this masquerade
at least it's somehow sexy and catchy


countdown 2 days
leaving summer and welcoming winter
yes, meaning leaving Melbourne
and here i come Hong Kong then Malaysia
a big luggage simply not enough to keep my wardrobe
and yet, i can't help buying more
went D.F.O :) last shopping i promise
bought myself 4 pair of bras
a sleeping aka home wear pants
super sexy purple heels
cute short black jacket
arghh. I'm such a bitch
i shouldn't buy so many bras
but couldn't help, they are so pretty

anyhow,
i enjoy my day
ending with dinner at TGI Friday

girl on road

road trip ?

Sunday morning

dress up a bit before leaving 43
winding down the window
♥ the breeze of ocean all over me
from St. Kilda to Mordiallic which is somewhere near Brighton
along the road with fantastic sea view
after the drive, stop by Luna park
before entering Luna park
"Sunday market" catches my eye
have a short walk but nothing in my bag

it's my first time to Luna park
actually, just walked around
more like a funfair for kids than a theme park
but it's special
wooden roller coaster!
yes, made by wood
and there's a worker standing on it to control

lunch time!
we went Vibe
Italian restaurant
the atmosphere is warm
the food ? abso-fucking-lutely delicious.

angel of friends and angel of miracle
the left one is Mr Roy's and the right one, he bought for me

in car at Mordiallic
i love snapping moments of ours
and feeling the ♥ around us

Luna park entrance

Sunday market along the street

thanks to the wind
my bad hair day picture

entry @ vibe : herb foccacia with vinegar mix olive oil [ ♥♥♥ ]

entry @ vibe : Oyster! with slice salmon, sauces and a squeeze of lemon [ ♥♥♥♥♥ ]

main @ vibe : spaghetti with chicken and mushroom . [ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ]
i seriously adore their flavor
it's not too oily, not starch-ie, not salty

(p.s ♥ indicating satisfaction)

girl on road

i know who cares

here come my emo

i know who care the most when i'm admitted to the hospital
most of them,
don't even care what my condition is /.\

maybe,
that's it

girl on road

First Time

don't be mistaken by the title of this entry
i don't mean s-e-x

instead, it's about my morning at the emergency room

it started off yesterday noon
when body ache presence while shopping
but i couldn't care more
till almost midnight
after watching chick flicks Sex and the City
(babe, i actually wish we sit down and watch the movie together)
headache starts to distract me, in a mean way
tried to sleep
from 12midnight to 6 in the morning
struggling, heat, freezing cold, pain
that's the night
couldn't stand it and my situation worried Mr Roy
after small discussion
come out we choose the best solution - emergency department

told the nurse what's wrong with me
took my temperature
and then, she called me in
bring me to a cubic with wheelchair
using two big tube, suck out my blood
making me breakfast
but, taste awful
the next thing i know
there's a name tag on my arm
and a tiny pipe attached to my wrist
following the pipe, here come my first time
a pack of 1litre fluid flowing to my right arm
1pack is not enough, good things come in double
so i had two of them
not the end of the story
i have 4pack of antibiotics flowing into me too
when i thought everything is done and finally i can go home
a male-nurse call me in for x-ray
and done an electrocardiogram

everything done
felt relieve hearing the doctor " you can go home now "
hate to be so sick
but it's my first time doing all these
reason of this experience?
because my kidney is having inflammation

so, here we go
what a wonderful morning

girl on road

1st shop-stop : Chadstone

shopping spree!

went my favorite place to shop : Chadstone
first thing upon arrival
sushi sushi !
we ordered sushi sashimi platter
it's perfect light lunch for two
love the freshness and delicious taste of it
and it's worth the money ;P

sushi sashimi platter, AUD37


shopping bags!
it's been so long since i last hold bags in both my hand
and what's inside???
ta-daaa...

love the black silk dress, chosen by darling
and blue top, showing summer is here
sex and the city season 1 & 2 from darling

female washroom
i like the picture hanging on the wall
it's cute

i'm on the bridge near by home
looking down is the river dividing kensington and footscray



the bus stop i waited to get in the city

i'm tired
let me rest
and tomorrow ...
darling said we're going Luna Park and St. Kilda!

girl on road

emergency

it's 4.46 am

i'm in the emergency room
waiting to see the doctor
posting this up via my LG secret blogger features

it's my second visit in 24 hours
UTI gone worst, infected my kidney
i'm in deep pain and pain killer's not working
hence, we come back to the emergency department
early in the morning, at 3 am

it's funny
we've been waited for almost 2 hours
in between, there is no doctor calling anyone in
what are they doing in there?
my conclusion:
emergency room ain't for emergency case
if it's urgent, call the ambulance


end up
i didn't wait for the doctor
waited for 2hours
the pain actually reduces
and i know i don't need a doctor anymore
what i want is to get me and my boy into bed
i know he must be so tired

the sun will be out anytime soon


girl on road

Drowning Child

" on an average, one child under 14 is drowned a week "

this is the heard from the nine news on tv
which certainly give me a bad feeling about it
following that is a scheme against drowning child
- teaching them to help themselves instinctively
seeing there are programs putting child in drowning situation
i can see them struggling, trying their very best to be alive
even 8 days old baby learn how to deal with water running over his head
and 4months , baby being trained to swim and float on water

it's a very progressive program

children have to take 8 weeks lesson
being drowned and help themselves before adult notice
seeing them screaming, crying for mummies
i felt pitiful
as parents, hearing their babies cry like this
definitely feeling bad and heart ache
however, it is worth it
to let your children help themselves by instincts

also, parents ... you should learn CPR
no .. everyone! you should learn CPR
and i'm going for first aid class
i'll sign up for it, definitely

girl on road

100 done, doing, never.

I' am feelin` bored.
so I did this :)

Bold is those which I've done.
Red is those I'd never do.
Green is those I wanna try once in my life.

1. Touched an iceberg
2. Slept under the stars
3. Been a part of a hockey fight
4. Changed a baby's diaper
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Swam with wild dolphins
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a trantula
10. Said "I love you" and meant it
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Stay up all night long and watched the sun rise
15. Seen the Northern Light
16. Gone to a huge sports game
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
19. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
20. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Bet on a winning horse
23. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Taken an ice cold bath
28. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Ridden a roller coaster
31. Hit a home run
32. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
33. Adopted an accent for fun
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Felt very happy about your life even for just a moment
36. Loved your job 90% of the time
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Watched wild whales
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Gone on a midnight walk on the beach
41. Gone sky diving
42. Visited Ireland
43. Ever bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited India
45. Bench-pressed your own weight
46. Milked a cow
47. Alphabetized your personal files
48. Ever worn a superhero costume
49. Sung karaoke
50. Lounged around in bed all day
51. Gone scuba diving
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Done something you should regret, but don't
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Been in a movie
60. Gone without food for 3 days
61. Made cookies from scratch
62. Won first prize in a costume contest
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Been in a combat zone
65. Spoken more than one language fluently
66. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone
67. Bounced a check
68. Read - and understood your credit report
69. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy
70. Found out something significant that your ancestors did
71. Called or written your Congress person
72. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
73. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
74. Helped and animal give birth
75. Been fired or laid off from a job
76. Won money
77. Broken a bone
78. Ridden a motorcycle
79. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100mph
80. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
81. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, landing
82. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
83. Eaten sushi
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the Bible cover to cover
86. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
87. Gotten someone fired for their actions
88. Gone back to school
89. Changed your name
90. Caught a fly in the air with your bare hands
91. Eaten fried green tomatoes
92. Read the Iliad
93. Thought yourself an art from scratch
94. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
95. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt
96. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
97. Been elected to public office
98. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
99. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
100. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you

17 months baby = punch bag ?

i am shocked.

why this kind of thing happen
especially to a 17 months old baby
continuously 8 months being abuse
finger nails and toe nails are ripped
backbone broken which resulted paralysis

how can a baby handle this ?

60 visits from social worker sent by the government
they still haven't realize the baby was deeply injured
until baby couldn't take it anymore
what's the legal action to the abuser?
does that matter now?
the baby is killed .
but it was brutal

i know realize
even under child protection law
they are still in danger

not only that problems in the legal restriction and procedure
but also the parties involving protection
social workers are not concern
they are just 'working' and 'performing' their job
step by step, following the procedure
but care-less,
not responsible enough to make sure things were alright

i don't understand
why a person can be so cruel to a baby


girl on road

cont'd

one week.
seven days.
continuously, posting at least one per day

wow, what a record

at deakin's library
suppose to be studyin macroeconomic 2
but ... exhausted
just had price theory this morning
yet, another economic subject
i don't like it when exam date are so close
forcing me to do revise merathon

things happens, accident happens
i dislike female driver
well, i am one of them
female driver i am talkin here have characteristic of :

1. putting on make ups
- mascara, lipstick, foundation while driving

2. not signalling while turning

3. being rude
trust me, i saw a female stickin out her middle finger to some other driver

4. stupid
no offence but sometimes, i do think some of them are stupid

for example:
afternoon, me and my bf driving to the mall
car before us - a red old model of bmw, female driver
traffic light - green, suddenly turning to yellow!
and this smart-ASS driver just step on the brake hardly
resulting the car behind (me and boy) to stop immediate
with loud, scratching, irritating sound of the brake
i was frighten
but after that, i was angry

w.t.f

is it because as citizen of malaysia
i am train to go faster when the light is yellow?
no ! you're not suppose to stop at yellow, dumb ass!
yellow means preparing to stop
at least, to me it is
you're going to cause a lot a lot a lot of accident!

that's for today
back to my texts and papers /.\
cheer for tomorrow

girl on road

Cat Fights

i adore them

sit back

relax

and ....




laugh!

mr president

Congratulations to Mr President, Obama.
(days after the election = =)

Historical moment
First black man to run the country
Maybe it represents, racial issue being harmonized


but being the man of the country at this time
facing financial crisis and economy crashes
hard time boy

good luck.


girl on road

specially for you ... claudia

watched my baby girl, Claudia's birthday-vid
i missed that very touching moment to say happy birthday
to give my wish and my love for this cry baby
honestly, i felt bad for not checking my inbox,
missing mr bin hau's message
what a lovely boyfriend you have, babe
i am sure she's feeling wonderful

to make up my absence in the wish-vid
this entry is specially for her, my dear claudia
to remind our memories
and having faith, more in future
don't worry babe, i'll visit you next christmas
it's my last year (2009), allow me to not see you in june

reminding you, we love you!
btw, 4 people missing in your wishin' video =)



how can you not miss us ?!
kelly, e-ling, emily and me. don't forget us!
we know you're having great time at Cardiff,
we know you got lots of new friends,
just, don't just leave this friendship unattended =)

love you lots <3

girl on road

only in australia

took my day off from study

i know, bad move

two more exam and i'm done with second year of my bachelor
but i still need a break from all those papers + notes

i went to the pet shop
like standing next to the cabin
watching those kitten fooling around

entertaining.
at least, that's what i like
i want to have them, desperately

roaming through ninemsn.com
read an article about things happens only in australia
might not exactly right, but most of them i give a nod
1. Have beetroot on your burger
( yes, i only have them here. i wonder if everyone know what's beetroot)
2. Climb the Sydney Harbour Bridge
(ha.. well this is stupid, cause Sydney is in Australia)
3. Eat leftover brewers’ yeast for breakfast
( what it mean is the famous vegimite. tried, but not my cup of tea)
4.Visit the world’s largest coral system
( that's true. don't forget to drop by Great Barrier Reef)
list to go .......

i am bored
and i am tired
so good night everyone
and don't come back till tomorrow.

girl on road

2 down 2 to go

exhausted.

law of investment and financial market = dull + killer
i wonder where is my passion on legal studies
well, i still have it
deep down inside me
but just not anything to do with business law
i miss those days hanging out with my girls
talking about tort law most of the time

sigh.
and now, everyone gone to u.k
leaving me, emily and e-ling in oz
never mind. i still miss you , darling
no matter where no matter what
you know we're here, with open arms.

concentrate.
price theory and macroeconomic 2

girl on road

specially for you ...

i met this girl two years ago
through friends
at help first day, orientation
holding on same dreams
having same passion
however, we move on differently

today,
6th of November
her birthday

my darling baby,
claudia loh.
happy birthday my dear
wishing you're having a wonderful life
which i am sure you have it now
miss you
miss those days

anyhow,
friendship somehow don't end just because of distance

good luck with all my heart.

love

halloween

second one today. *wink*

i do study. but just give me a break.
and when things go stressful,
places i went:
1. kitchen
2. ninemsndotcomdotau
3. perezhiltondotcom

look what i found!

Halloween costume - Heidi Klum photo grabbed from Perez Hilton dot com
laugh out loud.
that's scary. i doubt anyone dare to open the door if she knocks for candy
but at least, there's a lot effort. respect that.

that's for today.
back to my desk (o.o)

girl-on-road

r.m.i.t library

time: 7.48pm
avenue: rmit business building
event: revision
mood: tiring


another library-day.
i do feel good staying at the library before exam
it just make me stay focus --- final revision.
felt guilty to do last minute study
and perhaps, i'll stay up tonight
i know, unhealthy and not suppose before exam
but that's the tactic i use when it come to finals
surprisingly, it works pretty good
prior to sleep well nights before

*aikz* good luck to me.

retiring

it's another beautiful day here in melbourne
bright sun shines
blue skies with cotton white cloud,
yet, windy.
i feel good being awake around 9
still feeling fresh and energized
although sleeping sounds pretty seductive,
i prefer to lay my eye on something else
it's not easy waking up early and feeling cosy
but if its the sense i'm having now,
i rather wake than asleep
have been turning to bed early these days
life is back on track =)
i am tired of addiction towards world of warcrafts
the game is fun;
graphic is pretty;
people are nice
but i get exhausted
o.O

exam's week!
studies are my priority
with boo, i even enjoy time spending in the library
it's great doing things together
it's even better to know we're growing together
there are lots to do
many to understand
and yet, we know we'll go through it
together, feeling our palms tenderly touches each other's

thanks sayang, you show me the most powerful things in the world.

12months

it's been a year.
holding on together.
feeling strong yet alive.

i cherished every moment spending together.
feel relief to see how different we are as person.
yet, these differences make us appreciate more.
i understand,
you can't expect man = woman, although they are both human
man are from Mars, woman from Venus
that's totally true
i love how john gray and her wife discover it but it's just facts
you can't expect Martians act like a Venusian
one achievements base on physical, goal, solution.
one feeling proud to be tender, sensation, listener.
but that's the difference brought out the love
differences creates curiosity, raising interest

off topic.
and yes, today...

thank you for everything my dear
and

happy anniversary!


Girl - On - Road

Another Bad Thought

It's been a while since I last log in to blogger.

Not as if my life is so happening that I have to jot it all in my blog, simply, don't have the urge of writing down. The problem may be, my attitude towards remembrance. How many times a day we spend thinking about the past, and the next day, 'today' will be your past, and still you'll be wondering. Saying its a way to let you not forget when you blog about it? Well, I said that, and I'm wrong. If it is so important and you wouldn't want to forget, you won't forget, writing it down give no excuse on 'when you look through, you'll remember... ' blah blah blah ~ you just won't forget it you don't want to. Although memory of human are fragile, but the sense of wanting it and the power of 'remember' actually fought through. So why am I blogging? I guess, its just something I want to tell out loud, but no one cares. The best way? Blogging it and thinking there might be someone out there, perfect strangers, reading it, nodding.

Second year in Bachelor of Economic and Finance. Honest speaking, I still have no idea why I pick this. It's challenging, it is happening. But what all this have to do with me? Is it the better pay in the future? Looks like. B-U-T! I am not doing real good in it, not like I will be graduating with an honour. Sorry daddy mummy, but I am really doing my best. Thinking of what I'm interested in studying, maybe Psychology and Journalism would be better choice afterall. Think about it, I'm not so into figures and graphs, although I may understand and able to interpret a litttle if and only if I throw myself into it, but still, I am not the at least 12/7 study girl. Proven by my result. However, I do enjoy reading and understanding stuff I want to know, things unrelated to the world, the economies. Oh god, I am screwed.

Thanks for spending the last 3 minutes on this dull and doesn't make sense post.

Enjoy your day!

Girl On Road

i miss..

oh god, left this place long time..
and here i am, again, because my little sister starts blogging.
here is my supports =)
its funny that nowadays people actually communicate through blog
anyhow, there's studies shows that blogging keep one from depression
of course !
i mean, you get to express yourself like nobody's business
its your space, your area. kudos for that!

you know what i miss the most about malaysia?
yes, my family.
its funny that i miss the fights with my bitchy sister
who always act like Ashley Tisdale (wonder if i spell correctly)
anyhow, i still love her!
chelsea! don't be too proud to hear, and don't act all cheeky!
yes, i love her, and i miss fighting with her
i miss those small small hugs from her
although i never admit, but its the little sweet thing she always does
and i miss my parents too.
they are always there to support,
and sometimes, even make hell lotsa joke out of me =3=
also, my silly brother who's now stuck at UK
maybe i shouldn't use the word - stuck
he likes there. another P.R business on
but this time, i see improvements.

exam pissed

its been a month since my previous one.
i doubt if there's anyone reading my blog anymore.
in fact, i hope no one..

life have been pretty busy and messy
everything once right are now turning wrong
am i worrying too much or it simply not up to me to decide?
maybe, it's time for me to stand back and nap
i'm tired.

currently, exams are my major force
trying hard to score high, when you just don't have the quality..
it's exhausting and it's getting ugly
how long more do i have to go through this?
i ain't a good student, never be one
honest speaking, i don't care about grades
what i look into, is what you've got in brain
grades are too typical.
you can study, doesn't mean you absorb the knowledge
i don't have good results, but guess what?
my future is bright and happy

that's how life should be.
easy, simple, with a little stress.. yet, you're happy.
i am young. in my very early twenties...
burn my youth spirit but don't bore me with lectures and tutors
i don't mind going to class, i don't mind people teaching me stuff
i do mind, when they get so tense, and they pushed you hard
even worst, those who saying you're a failure if you fail university
shut up !
i know what to do with my life
i'm not primary school kid writing fancy future dreams
get real... and
stay right there and look at me
look into my eyes, look into my spirit
i have the pride you couldn't imagine,
i have the confidence you couldn't believe...
last, i have the way i want to go that you may not agree
but hey... who cares? who are you to disagree me

girl on road

Autumn Leave

temperature dropping.
yellow and red leaves falling.
exam stress beginning.
that's the sound of winter arriving.

autumn is leaving soon.
before i even realized, half a year gone.
it's fast. booooom! i am 20 and a half years old.
i am not gaining weight, nor losing them.
just in between, just being steady.
gym cut downs, but i still go.
outdoors running and basketball more.
bought 1.5kg weights home the other day.
so there's something to do,
beside just sitting there watching 'Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmare'
by the way, me starting to like australian tv shows.

' Deal or No Deal' , sometimes it can be so exciting.

' Rove ' , gives the best laugh before your week begins.

' Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmare ', seeing Mr R turn hideous restaurant into pleasant.

' Ladette to Lady ', tell me if you couldn't imagine how funny is it.
Ladette is a word describing chicks hanging out, being popular in wrong way - clubs
those who couldn't leave alcohol behind,
couldn't be bother if they are acting like a bitch,
or even worst, complete slut.
and now, they're in this school, trying to be a lady.
it's fun seeing them being a lady. the worst students ever accepted by the school.

that's my life for the week. enjoy yours.

girl on road

power of nature

earthquake = death of thousands

that's normal equation.
but when there's a big one hit down.

earthquake = death of unknown amount

felt sorry for those who suffered in Tse Chuan's 7.8 earthquake.
hopefully it's not another Tang Shan tragedy,
that takes up of total 2.4million human life, announced by the gov.
but the real amount? i doubt.

see?! that's what i call the power of nature.
no matter how civilization human seems to be,
no matter how long it take,how much effort put in in a building project,
a nature disaster vanish your everything.
earthquakes happening, tsunami often hits on the beaches,
even the melting antartica seems to be a signal.

is there a message from the nature?
warning us, self proclaimed smart ass fella,
" the power is not in your hand, dumb human.
is still under our control"

it will happen. when earth collapse.
resulting by human's activities.
someone told me once,
" everything will be destroyed by the highest status among them "
meaning, for example, us as human,
seeing as the most intelligent livings on earth,
are the one who destroy our planet.

think about it.

ciaos

fresh up

dear readers:

hey.
welcome to the new look of the blog.
don't mean to be too girlie or lovey, but i like this.
realized i had been using the old one for ages.
till the pic on left turn into frogs.
it's time for a new one.
although i used this long time ago.


it's 3 in the morning.
so, guess i'm heading to the bed now.

catch up with you later.

ciaos.

eye-candy

dear readers:

how's your weekend?
mine is good.

i mean, still usual things getting done but, it's good.
had fun with a couple of friends.
had breakfast, dinner with a bunch of them.
new friends i made. =] they are humour.

i get good laughs from them.

got to throw myself in books, again.

assignments due soon. exams in a month.

well, baby i ain't no going to do bad.

ain't no time fooling around when you woke up and realize...

hey! i'm in my twenties. arghh.

anyway,

here's some recent taken pics. =]
for those who missed me so much.

love my new look? hu~~~~

camwhoring . or self capturing.

did i mention? things are strong between us. just see how he adores me.
lalala ~~ makes me steping into la-la land. (if you get what i mean)
but yeah.. he loves me.

so, that's it for the weekend post.
enjoy the rest of your day pal.

ciaos.

Lest of Remember

dear readers:

not bad huh.
posted another one, just day after the previous one.
well. nothing much to write about actually.
you know, when everything is basically a routine.
you just don't write it out.
i ain't no writing the same shite on every post.

a highlight for my chinese literature.
i know, most of you don't give a damn but hey, no harm reading.
(only if you read chinese =] )
that's credit for us, chinese! haha~
not going to sound all 'go for chinese' stuff.
but yea, i actually adore the words.
i felt the real satisfaction to be able to express it through those beautiful words.
you can't deny. chinese wording are simply, beautiful.

my words for you:
很多時候, 我們忘了記得是
人的記憶脆弱, 還是跟本沒有想要記得的意思 ?
曾經有人說 [如果記憶是痛苦的, 我選擇忘記 ]
確實... 逃避現實的做法
無可否認的是 人, 最愛自己騙自己了
美麗的記憶, 不捨得忘記那就好好收藏吧 ~
刻意去讓它繼續, 勉強的讓它復活那是甚麼樣的回憶 ?
也許得到的是 假像的記憶

因為有太多痛苦的記憶, 才更珍惜美麗的記憶
可是, 我卻不想要忘卻痛苦的記憶
它們 ... 教導我 ... 要珍惜現在的一切
因為, 轉眼... 它們便是你的記憶。

i wrote this after reading someone's sentence.
thanks to him. inspired me.

again.
got to check out the library comp. soon.

come back another day. =]

sucky connection

dear readers:

thanks for coming back.
you know, i was so eager to blog about stuff i've learn and all.
but, internet connection shut me off. for the damn whole week.
it wouldn't work until i send a complain letter to the gm.
see? it always work when you did something black and white.
anyway, my point is... damn the bloody system.

okay. back to my life.
things just fits perfectly.
doing outdoor jogs, watching tvs, studies, even cook a lot.
which seems to be a healthy life.
the thing is, i've been spending time watching dvds.
and realized there were many good movies out there.

[reign over me] , a great movie.
oh girls, bring a tissue box with you.
i ended up wetting my boyfriend's shirt.

[blood diamond], stop buying tiffie n co.
diamonds aren't that pretty afterall. it's just stone.
okay. understand. it's rare, it's beautiful.
but hey! that's what people make it looks like.
think about those who mine it. think wisely.
watch the movie. it's realistic. and you know, it's truth.

[italian job], brilliant stealer.
i know i'm outdated. but, never too late for good movies.
love their idea of stealing.

[lake house], romantic night with your darling beside.
adore the lake house.
like the story line.
love the happy ending. =]

[the holiday], its more a comedy to me.
it makes me wonder,
if there's house exchange out there.
i would do it.
i know, its risky. but hey! it's fun.
be young. be adventurous.
be, the risk taker!!

[bee movie], not bad for a laugh.
and it actually make me think.
little things happening around, actually relating to big one.

go get them. =]

and tvs.
i just love australian shows.
rove. rocks!
not to mention others like 'current affairs' , 'so you think you can dance' blah blah ...

well. i think i need to stop 'watching...'

anyway. dinner time!
ciaos

long long time today

hey. how's everything?

okey. i'm really sorry for not posting up anything for three months.
i mean, i still blog. that's part of my life. but just not here =3=""

read an article about blogging the other day, and still wondering if that theory earn my nodding.
it says, blogging helps a person to release stress and brought a sense of self awareness to themselves.
yes, i do find relief when i blog about my feeling of experience. so, i suppose the theory works on me, how bout you?

things have been going on well.
life is not miserable but busy and stressful.
learning to save for planned trips.
working hard on each and ever assignment given.
basically, that's my life in aussie.
except, there's someone there to work things out with me.
heading to the library, going outdoor for some actions, driving around to relax, looking for good restaurant to have some good apetite. sounds great isn't it?

for those who certainly changed their blog add or privatise theirs.
please do add me as sylvia19@gmail.com instead of aivlys88@hotmail.com
i couldn't access yours. =3=
and for those who don't give a damn.
well, too bad for you. =] enjoy your life.

wait for my next update. i promise it'll be soon. *wink*

quote " thoughts are to be felt in heart "

離婚協議書

離婚協議書
在一個朋友的網誌裡頭`
發現了這篇 很感動 的
分享分享 ~~
很長很長.. 要有心理準備喔

嫁給這個男人五年了，我不知道我是否還愛他，

記得剛新婚的時候，早晨時必定會在他懷抱中醒來，

我總是紅著臉不敢說一聲早，怕嘴裡的口氣弄皺了他的眉，

漱口杯與牙刷堅持要和他用同款不同色，

擺在一起看才有夫妻的感覺。

我會幫他打點上班 的衣物，什麼襯衫配什麼領帶，

經過我的審美才准他穿上身。

起了床到餐桌上，為了他的健康，

我每天變換不同花樣的早餐，

晴朗的天可能是培根蛋加上烤土司，有些下雨的話，

或許來點小米粥搭醬瓜鹹蛋，要是陰天，

不如就吃些外頭的燒餅油條和豆漿，

招式用到我變不出新把戲，可是我樂此不疲。

除了當一個賢慧的妻子，我亦毫不掩飾對他的熱情，

「我愛你」是每天恭送他出門上班一定說的話，

然後附加一個親密的吻，即使他大多時候只是淺淺一笑，

也足夠我高興個老半天。

但是，五年過去了。

我相信還不到癢的時候，

可是到底是什麼改變了我和他的互動呢？

早晨起床，他的位置往往已空蕩，

只能由皺褶的床單證實他確實存在過，

即使他偶爾睡過了頭或者小賴一下床，

也絕對是急急忙忙由床上跳起來，匆忙的梳洗著衣。

我已經快忘了被他擁抱迎接朝陽的感覺，

盥洗室裡的漱口杯，在幾年前被打破後，

再也找不到一模一樣的，而另一個也因為掉到馬桶裡，

所以也換了新的。

五年內，牙刷已換了不知幾支，甚至有時我們睡迷糊了，

還會用上同一支，什麼口氣的問題都不需要掩飾了，

是否一樣顏色，一樣款式，他說這些根本不重要。

因此，洗手台上Hello Kitty和小叮噹圖樣，

漱口杯左右對峙，小叮噹的杯裡插著一支綠色牙刷，是我的，

Hello Kitty則是空的，因為他前一陣子已改用電動牙刷，

擺在架子上。

分屬兩個不同故事的漱口杯，

以及位於兩個不同位置的牙刷，

彷彿在嘲諷我們的夫妻關係，漸行漸遠。

　因為他出門的時間早，打點他的衣著已經不再是我的事，

他自己會搞定。

早餐呢？很久沒有一起吃了，我同樣不必費盡心思去想菜單、

查食譜，反正沒人賞光，

更不用說「我愛你」這句話，還有熱情的早安吻，

他無福消受，而且現在說起來也有些矯情了。

仔細想想，五年來，他沒有說過一次「我愛你」，

一次也沒有。

　　我和他相聚的時間，嚴格上來說是從晚上七點開始，

也就是他下班回來之後，如果他加班的話，

那時間可能要延到十點、十一點。

剛結婚的時候，我為了他去學烹飪，「要抓住男人的心，

先抓住他 的胃」，我深信這個鐵律。

所以，一些餐館名菜常出現在我們餐桌上，

宮保雞丁、五更腸旺、蔥油雞、東坡肉?等。

見他吃得高興，我也開懷，雖然不全是我愛吃的，

但是他愛吃就好。

飯後，我們會依偎在沙發上看電視，我陪他看新聞，

聽他評論國政、批判社情，

他陪我看八點檔，聽我調侃劇情、大哭大笑。

所以我知道行政院長、立法院長是什麼人，

他也知道當紅的李世民是誰演的。

我沒有料到的是，五年的時間可以改變這一切，

烹飪班我可以說是半途而廢，不知道從哪天起，

他開始干涉我做菜的方法，宮保雞丁他不喜歡太多辣椒，

五更腸旺他開始抵制，蔥油雞叫我別淋油，

連滷東坡肉要放多少醬油，他都有話說。

我做的菜漸漸變得簡單，烹飪班也不想去了，

有時候一盤炒青菜、

貢丸湯和皮蛋豆腐就打發掉他，他反而沒什麼意見。

我想，我抓不住他的胃。

隨著他加班次數的增加，我們甚少在一起看電視了，

除了現任總統是陳水扁，我對於國家大事可說一無所知，

而他，問都不用問，

台灣霹靂火的男主角是誰他絕對不可能知道。

夫妻之間開始言不及義，他對我說的話，

大多都是「不用等我」、「早點睡」，

我跟他說的話，也幾乎是「你回來了」、「菜在電鍋熱著」。

我們沒有相同的話題，沒有相同的興趣，

除了「夫妻」名義上的聯繫，我們的交流空泛的可憐，

比普通朋友還不如。

多可笑的夫妻關係，不是嗎？

　　婚前，我們曾描繪著未來的願景，他說要生兩個孩子，

先男後女，哥哥可以保護妹妹，

我卻認為應該先享受一段兩人生活，

生孩子的時情倒不急於一時，只是我不想壞了他的興致，

並沒有說出口。

婚後一陣子，他很積極的和我「創造宇宙繼起之生命」，

他想要孩子，從他不戴保險套的行為可以看得出來，

可是我還不想要，又怕他不高興，於是我背著他吃避孕藥。

記得那時，他還興沖沖的帶我到醫院探視一名女性朋友，

她剛生完一個四千兩百公克的巨嬰，

神色萎糜的躺在病床上。

我忘不了他隔著一塊玻璃看新生娃娃時，眼中綻放的神采，

可是我更忘不了，那位女性朋友用著虛弱的語氣告訴我，

她整整痛了一天一夜，才求醫生由自然產改為剖腹產，

我更不敢生小孩了。

五年後的今天，他似乎已經放棄生小孩這回事，

畢竟只有他一頭熱是沒用的。

　　可是，待在他上班之後空洞的房子裡，

我突然覺得生個孩子也不錯，至少屋子裡會熱鬧點，

我的寂寞，也會少一點。

他早就在數年前就開始用保險套了，

我不清楚是什麼讓他改變心意，不過這也鬆了我一口氣，

我對避孕藥似乎過敏，

不論換什麼牌子最後都落得一個水腫的下場。

我猜他六百多度的近視加閃光，

應該看不出我水腫前和水腫後有什不一樣，

重點是他的保險套解決了我一個大麻煩，

同時又帶來另一個新煩惱。

我現在想要一個孩子了，他卻似乎不想，

我不知怎麼跟他開口，更別提他頻繁的加班，

晚上常累得倒頭就睡，如果我再開這個口，

似乎變相增加他的壓力。

兩個人之間，已經夠低潮了，

不需要再增加一個會引起衝突的話題。

　　在我們戀愛的時候，他很喜歡帶我到淡水，

坐在河堤旁看落日，沿著碼頭走一遭，

可以吃到不同口味的各式小吃，

淡水的海產頗富盛名，他似乎是識途老馬，

總知道哪家是最道地的。

有時候，他帶著我坐渡輪到對岸的八里，

那裡熱鬧的只有一條路，賣的全是孔雀蛤，

兩個人可以吃掉一大盤，還覺得意猶未盡。

他也會和我騎雙人腳踏車沿著淡水老街騎到淡海，

再由淡海騎回來，沿路的風景不算十分迷人，

但有種質樸的味道，兼之海風鹹鹹的打在臉上，

我很享受這種氣氛。

當然，坐在腳踏車後座的我三天打漁兩天曬網，

心情好的時候才踩兩下，他明知我偷懶，還是賣力的踩，

我很懷念，真的即使過了五年，那段回憶仍然歷歷在目。

婚後到淡水的次數，除了新婚那一陣子，幾乎屈指可數，

近兩、三年更是一次都沒去過。

每到假日，他不到中午不會起床，我見他這麼疲倦，

當然也不會煩他帶我到處走走。

假日照理說，我和他應該可以有些交集可是他累，

我只能自己找事做，和在上班工作的朋友出門逛逛街，

聊聊是非，也順便埋怨一下他。

至於在家睡覺的他，午、晚飯，自己解決吧！

他不知道，在前幾個月，我耐不住無聊，

自個兒坐捷運到了淡水。

果然，太久沒有去了，

那裡已經變成一個我完全不認識的地方，

河堤旁的小吃攤不見了，全部集中在捷運站附近，

過去我和他看夕陽的地方整修成一條長堤，僅供散步，

路面變得乾淨整潔固然是好，

但是收藏著我和他美好記憶的地方，消失了。

沒有他的帶路，我找不到道地的海產店，

找不到好吃的小吃，自己一個人也騎不了雙人單車，

但我驚訝的發現，淡水多了一個漁人碼頭，可以坐公車過去。

漁人碼頭，他的腳步沒有踏上過，我先了他一步，

這是沒有他，只有我的經驗。

到了漁人碼頭邊，風景美復美矣，

卻有種人工雕砌的做作，

我以為花了幾百元搭乘藍色公路可以到對岸八里，

就像渡輪一般，

但那失了古風的遊艇卻繞了一大圈後又開回原點。

除了顛簸的船身搖得我頭暈目眩，

我記不起來什麼美麗的風景，連孔雀蛤也沒撈到一粒，

淡水變了，我和他的回憶，也變了。

某個早上，我特地比他早起，

煮了頓睽違已久的豐盛早餐給他。

然後，沒有第三者，沒有爭吵．

我遞出了離婚協議書。

那是我第一次看到他那麼震驚的表情，如果那天是愚人節，

我想我成功了。

可是，我不會開那般惡劣的玩笑，他知道我是認真的，

他沒有像一般男人一樣，暴跳如雷，開始數落女方的罪狀，

也沒有哭哭啼啼，跪下哀求我留下，

他只是極力冷靜自己的心緒，默不吭聲的接下協議書，

開門，上班，一如往常。

他或許也察覺我們的夫妻關係到了一個瓶頸，

也打算仔細考慮離婚的可行性，他近幾年的疏離，

我沒有流下一滴眼淚，可是他這天的冷漠，

幾乎傾盡我五年的淚水。

我有些後悔，這後悔逐漸蔓延，以心臟為一個起點，

通傳至我的頭頂及腳趾。

但後悔又如何呢？

不快刀斬亂麻，也只是拖著一個平淡如水的日子，

兩個人乾耗。

我不知道自己對他的愛剩多少，

更不清楚他對我的愛剩多少。

嫁給他之前，我就知道他沈默寡言，嫁給他之後，

自以為能改變他的我，並沒有改變他多少。

我的愛，還不足以改變他，他的愛，亦不足以為我改變，

這大概是關鍵所在。

柴米油鹽醬醋茶會摧毀愛情的甜蜜，我嚐到了，

但這卻是用五年換來的教訓。

趁現在，沒有孩子，沒有牽絆，我也不貪圖他什麼，

該是離婚最好的時機吧！

抖著手在離婚協議書上簽下名的我，

到之後他出去幾個小時了，我仍然在發抖，

這是一種未知的惶恐，我等他給我一個結果。

　　他冷淡了我五年後，又凌遲了我七天。

從離婚協議書交到他手上之後，整整一個星期，

他不與我說一句話，也睡了七天的沙發，

每天仍然照常上下班，除了更加冷淡，

我感覺不到他的喜怒哀樂。

那張協議書，就算扔到垃圾筒裡，

還會有觸動垃圾袋的聲音，可是他，一點聲音也沒有，

我懷疑他根本不當一回事，一段時間不理會我，

只是在看我會不會自己忘了離婚這回事。

我受不了了，他到底要怎麼做呢？

連離婚，也要離得這麼漠然嗎？

然而，七天之後的他，結結實實嚇了我一跳，

一早，我聽到他在客廳起床的聲音，隔著門板聽不真切，

我卻一直等不到他出去上班的關門聲。

一陣乒乒乓乓的金屬撞擊，取代了他一向安安靜靜的作息，

我終於按捺不住起身察看，卻在開門後，

聞到了一陣食物的香氣。

「起床了嗎？吃點蛋捲。」他笑著，

如新婚時我吻他之後那般淺笑。

我心裡狠狠跳了一下，原以為古井不波的情緒，

因他久違的體貼，而起了絲絲漣漪。

他還是那麼輕易的，可以撩動我的心，

我不清楚他怎麼可以混到九點、十點還不去上班，

他接收到我的疑惑，也只是淡然一笑，

身上簡單的服裝一點兒上班的氣息都沒有。

可能他，也有工作疲乏吧！

也可能他要宣判了，關於那張離婚協議書，

看他神色自若的樣子，我默默吃著早餐，

幻想著等一下他會說的話。

他會不會乾脆的就離婚了呢？還是在我面前撕了協議書呢？

不可否認的，我的心，傾向後者。

「我升上經理了。」他的第一句話，出乎我意料，

下一句話，卻馬上進入重點，轟得我措手不及，

「工作上的事告一段落，現在要好好處理家裡的事。」

工作是排在家庭之前嗎？我苦笑。

　「工作安頓好，我才能給妳安定的家。」

他像在解釋我的疑惑。

「所以，告訴我為什麼要離婚呢？」

他終於問了，臉色變得嚴肅。

他從來沒有用過這種質疑的口氣與我說話，

望著他難得的厲色，我竟一句話也說不出來。

　　「妳覺得我冷淡妳了嗎？」

轉眼，他的態度忽而又變得自嘲，

弄得我丈二金剛，「我就知道妳一個人在家老是胡思亂想。」

我和他長談了一整天，數個小時的談話，

有五分之四的時間我是在哭的，

因為我覺得自己犯了一個滔天大錯，

可是有些事，沒有那張離婚協議書，我永遠不會知道。

他說，五年來，他確實每天都是抱著我醒來，

只是後來他工作忙，起床時間變早，而我仍沈睡著，

不知道罷了，有時他還會親親我的臉，看著我貪懶的睡顏，

他不忍心叫醒我。

而擺在盥洗室的漱口杯，

他根本搞不清楚小叮噹是他的或Hello Kitty才是他的，

他以為粉紅色是女孩子的頻色，

所以他一直用著小叮噹的嗽口杯。

原來，我們一直在無形間，做著親密的唇齒交流，

可憐了Hello Kitty，擺在那兒沒人用，成了個裝飾品。

早餐，他吃的都是7-11，他承認很想念我做的早餐，

可是他不好意思要我每天做給他，

他知道我會擠盡腦汁變花樣，他捨不得看我太累。

「我娶妳，是希望妳享福，不是要妳來當女傭的。」

從他這句話開始，我便止不住眼淚。

提到他的衣著，他更是笑我的傻，

他看得出來我會為他添新衣服，

按顏色花樣在櫃裡整整齊齊的分類擺放，

而新婚時期我常幫他搭配，

久了他也知道我的喜好，什麼領帶配什麼衣服，

他是為我而穿。

至於熱情的早安吻，每天他早在我熟睡間給我了，

我卻兀自鑽牛角尖，認為他不需要我的吻。

　「你為什麼從不說你愛我呢？」我噙著淚水問他。

　「我以為妳知道，否則我們為什麼結婚呢？」

他理所當然回答。

是啊！我知道，我一直都知道，不然我不會嫁給他的，

可是既然知道，我又何必強求他說出來呢？

女人都是需要一些愛語滋潤的，我想這就是理由，

看著我控訴的眼光，我想他也知道理由了。

　　「妳做的大菜，很好吃可是那些菜費工夫，

也不全是妳喜歡的，

所以我寧可妳做些簡單的菜，最好是妳也喜歡吃。」

他一句一句的解釋，又讓我掉了一缸淚水，

「妳不喜歡吃辣，因此我要妳少放辣椒，妳不吃內臟，

那我也不吃，妳怕胖，所以料理時我希望油加少一點，

醬油鹽份高，吃多腎臟負擔大，為了妳我健康著想，

調味即可，不必加太多。」

只要是我煮的，他都喜歡，想想每次準備食物給他，

他沒有一次不是吃光的，

到底為什麼我會覺得抓不住他的胃呢？

所以，我也抓住了他的心嗎？

另一件令我驚訝的事，

他真的知道台灣霹靂火的男主角是誰，即使猜得不完全正確。

「是劉文聰嗎？還是那個李正賢呢？

晚上在公司加班，同事都會開電視來看，

所以我多少也知道一點。」他撫去我臉上淚痕，

笑問：「妳也在看嗎？」

　「嗯。」我又想哭了，我真是小覷了那個節目的收視率。

　「當上經理之後會比較少加班，那我們就一起看。」

他說得輕鬆，我卻鼻頭一陣酸楚。

我在意的，其實不是看什麼節目，管他行政院長、

立法院長是誰，沒有他在身邊，看什麼都索然無味。

我發現，只要願意，兩個人什麼事都可以談，

連我跟他解釋台灣霹靂火的劇情，一路聊到整容話題，

他也聽得津津有味。

是我，是我封閉了自己，以為他不願意聽我說話、

不願意對我說話。

他心疼我一個人在家裡，聊公司裡的事怕悶壞我，

又見我一副不想搭理他的樣子，他每天只能摸摸一鼻子的灰。

無論他跟我說什麼，我都是愛聽的，

可是我現在才讓他知道，

夫妻兩浪費了幾年的時間在這種誤解之間打轉，

他活該，我也活該。

　「我很少看新聞，都不知道國家最近發生了什麼事。」

我這句話出口得有些抱怨。

　「好，我以後每天當妳的新聞台。」他溫柔的笑了。

聊到生孩子的事，他先是一陣默然。

「我想生一個孩子。」這時候，我有勇氣說出口了。

　　「我以為妳不想，剛結婚那一陣子，

妳不是一直吃避孕藥嗎？」難得聽到他有些怪罪的語氣。

進一步了解之後，我才發現，他一直知道我在吃藥，

或許是我哪次把藥隨便擱在化粧台上，被他看到了，

他徹底了解我不想要孩子。

　　而他也知道，我吃完藥隔天會有水腫的現象，

身子骨纖細的我，一雙腳腫得跟象腿一樣，

也只有我這種人的鴕鳥心態，才會認為他不會發現。

後來我養成習慣將藥好好放在抽屜中，

他以為我不再吃，怕身子水腫難受，所以他戴起保險套，

說來說去，還是為了我。

「妳又水腫了嗎？一直哭個不停，

是想把身體裡的水逼出來嗎？」

他居然敢揶揄我，免不了得到我飽以老拳。

他還是想要孩子的，聽完我說想生孩子，

他眼下興奮的光芒大大的告訴我這一點。

只不過，那抹光芒在閃爍之後隨即斂去，

他又正襟危坐的問了我一個問題。

　「妳真的想生嗎？」

　「想啊！我一個人在家好無聊。」

　「只是因為無聊嗎？如果一個人在家無聊，

妳想出去學東西、去工作、和朋友 去逛街，我不會阻撓妳。」

「你不是也想嗎？」我生氣了，縱然淚眼婆娑沒什麼說服力。

他開始說起那個四千兩百公克的巨嬰，

原來那名女性朋友的經驗不僅嚇到我，也嚇到他了。

他不希望我生孩子還要受極大的痛苦，

什麼剖腹產、自然產，他一點概念也沒有，

只知道一定會很痛，

他明白我怕痛，所以他捨棄了生孩子的想法。

　「我不管，我要生。」明瞭了他的想法後，

我更希望替他生一個孩子，身體裡流著我和他血液的孩子。

　「那就生吧！」他悄悄的在我耳邊說了一句令我臉紅的話。

「你這麼有精力，不是上班很累嗎？」

我狐疑他話裡的真實性。

經他解釋，我才恍然大悟，就算工作累，

他偶爾也有慾望，有時晚上摟著我，又看我睡得香甜，

這種看得到吃不到的痛苦，他只能鬱鬱的悶在自己心裡，

面對他的心意，我，真的無言了。

　　在我像兩顆水蜜桃的雙眼略為消腫後，

他催我換衣服，帶我出門。

　已經好久沒和他一起出遊了，在兩人間的冷淡破冰後，

坐在他身邊竟也給我當初戀愛的感覺。

我凝望著他專心駕駛的側臉，將他的動作姿態深深刻在心裡，

因為我差點忘了，我和他之間還橫著一個問題，

那張離婚協議書。

我要一輩子記住他的模樣，如果他最後仍是簽了名，

　可是，他應該不會簽吧！

否則，他何必和我討論生孩子的事。

　　「到了。」他停車，我也隨之下車。

　海風迎面吹來，是淡水。

他也記得這個地方，這個我們記憶珍藏的地方。

　「我一直想帶妳來，可是妳假日都和朋友出門，

我只好蒙著棉被在家睡覺。」他如此說道。

這是個什麼烏龍呢？

我體諒他工作累，他體諒我和朋友出門，

就這樣我們錯過了，一次又一次的相伴。

「你以後想幹什麼，可以直接說。」我惱火的盯著他。

「妳也是。」他正經八百的回視我，

言下之意是要我別五十步笑百步。

說來也好笑，我們一直認為自己是在為對方著想，

以自己的方式去體貼對方，

這種自以為是卻導致了無數個陰錯陽差，

一直到我開始懷疑自己不愛他，他也不愛我了，

才驚覺這份愛並不是消逝，而是溶入了生活之中，

自然的讓人忘了它的存在。

愛情的表現，可以是黏膩、親熱、奉獻、祝福，

甚至是退讓，每個人的方式不同，會導致的結果各異。

我的方式是盲目的付出，他的方式是全然的關懷，

乍看之下兩個人都沒錯，可是無論什麼方式，

中間少了一種叫「溝通」的元素，就容易導致裂痕。

我們的婚姻，就是建築在這種缺乏溝通的空中樓閣之上，

嫁給這個男人五年了，我以為我漸漸的不愛他，

但只是一番簡單的剖白心意，

我對他所有的愛再度復活，甚而轉濃。

女人會因男人長久的冷落而對愛情失望，

也可以因男人一句話又對愛情充滿希望，

我不想和他離婚，一點兒也不想，

當初硬著頭皮簽下名，或許只是賭氣，

只是要他正眼看看我。

可是 ?

「那、那張離婚協議書?。」我要收回來。

　「在公司裡。」他好整以暇，「公司的碎紙機裡。」

這個意思是??#65311;

　「妳想離婚，等我成為亡夫時再說吧！」

我估量不出他說這句話，

是不是在開玩笑，不過他又騙到我的淚水。

他真的很愛我，即使他沒有說過，我想如果我堅持離婚，

他會放我走的，他捨不得見我難過，

就像他見我掉淚又趕快摟住我一樣。

倘若，是他想離婚呢？

恕我自私，我是堅決不會放的，除非等我變成亡妻，

同樣因為他捨不得見我難過，我自信可以留住他。

「淡水整個都變了，我都快不認識了。」

哄完了我，他連忙帶開話題。

　「我來過，我知道有什麼景點。」

「那這次就要靠妳帶路囉！」

是啊！我們可以開創新的回憶，只要有我也有他，

什麼時間地點都不成問題。

結婚五年，

我又發現了一次愛情。