Philip Island

Went Philip Island with my family, as in my parents, and two siblings. Woke up early in the morning and went Victoria Market with my father. We bought veggies and meat. Prepared to cook for dinner, after our day tour to Philip Island. Had lunch at Red Silk before meeting up at Lonsdale Street. Dad sat with me while mom sat with sister. Poor brother sat with a stranger. We took off around one thirty in the afternoon. After two hours of traveling, we reached a place which I couldn't remember what it called. It's like a mini zoo, or so we call it mini farm. Even saw a white peacock! That's cute. After that, we took another hour to a place where we can see koala. The laziest animal in Australia, I guess. They can sleep at least 20hours a day. Another 4 hours are time for them to eat and get involve in re-producing. *laugh* and they can eat up to a kg of leaves. Oh My God~ that's so much. Anyway, we then left and continue our journey to Philip Island. We stopped by a place where we can see seal, but trust me, I see none. The wind blew me off! hahaa. I like that place much cause it's seaside, and I saw waves.. NICE ! Arrived the penguins world around 6pm. We got ourselves a nice seat to wait for the penguins. They've got the smallest penguins in the world. Couldn't really see those penguins. But on our way back, we saw plenty of them heading back to their 'home'. Oh my~ they are really cute! Little penguins are cute. The way they walk are funny, hell funny. I learnt and demonstrate the way they walk to my family, they laughed their ass off. Hahaha. Missed those day I used to entertain them by doing some funny act. *smile*

brother said something that seriously touched my heart. He actually indirectly told me he missed me so much. We used to hang out in my room or his room. Sleep together, fights, laughed.. And now, although he'd got my sister but is way different. We lived together for 18years. We understand each other and care for each other. I miss him. Miss my family. So so so damn much! Miss sayang too~

by the way, my 'gan fu' went Melbourne show! arghh! Didn't wait for me.
anyway, here's some photos for eyes candy.

My Fear

My phobia list >.<
I'm afraid of ...
Arachnephobia - Fear of spiders
Homilophobia - Fear of sermons
Kenophobia - Fear of voids
Ligyrophobia - Fear of loud noises
Phobophobia - Fear of phobias
Pocrescophobia - Fear of gaining weight
Virginitiphobia - Fear of rape
Zelophobia - Fear of jealousy

well, it seems like i'm not really afraid much things. i'm seriosuly afraid spiders that's for sure. hahaha. and jealousy. it seems to be something normal, i mean jealousy among the girls but i just simply dislike. not exactly a kind of phobia i'm having but i seriously scare of it. i don't like the whole jealousy thing happen among me and my friends although it seems an impossible thing. sometimes i don't understand why must one jealous about their friends. envy, i understand. i do envy my friends but not til the stage of jealousy. jealousy, to me is like strong word that shows hateness with envy. is like you want it so badly til sometimes you curse. sometimes is not love that is blind, but jealousy. In jealousy, there is more self-love than love itself. but it seems like jealousy and love are sisters. no matter how you try not to be jealous, when it come to love, there must be at least a little, jealousy happening. that's bad. hahaha~

did i mentioned my family are here to visit me? went airport to pick them up on wednesday morning. before the arrival of my family, sayang left as well. i'm so going to 'rindu' mu. anyhow, my family are here to accompany me! *smile* as for me and sayang, things aren't as simple as what others thought. hopefully everything will be fine.

Love ain't complex but not simple

It's been quite sometimes since I last updated my lovely blog. Well, not that lovely anyway. It seems to be a emotional or sensitive blog. Like what my friends said, most of my post are sensitive, emotion and full of thoughts. Not exactly thoughts or emotions actually. I just want to voice out, speak out every single thing in my mind if not I seriously doubt that I can continue handle myself so well. Don't even know what am I feeling right now. Ever think of why will you love a person? I thought I'll never think of it but he made me think about it. Can't deny that feelings is like a starting point of the whole thing, slowly it develop and become more deeply and a kind of tenderness that touches my heart. Feelings will gone someday, but the tenderness that happen to be developing cause of sharing, caring and loving ain't easy to forget about it. Which means, this love I'm having is not like those puppy love like and break thing. I care, I love, and I hope. Complicated? Maybe a little. Tried to make it easier to understand but it just couldn't be simplify. Love ain't something complex. But it ain't simple.

Love? Or Obligation

Had a thoughtful chat with my *babe last night. Just like what had happen in the past few months, she is having issues with her boyfriend, again. It's not something new to me as I've been seeing this happening on and off. But this time, I think it's really time for both of them to think if there's a need to continue the relationship that seems to be working on an obligation basis than love. I asked few question to see if there's any clue for what to do. Don't get me wrong. I don't tell her what to do. I helped her by pointing out the negatives and the positives. Apparently, the negatives seem to be loading. I know she must be really confusing right now, right after our talk, even worst, she might not be able to get into sleep. But still, she has to face it and deal with it. They broke up for god-know-how-many-times. And friends around knew they weren't really break-up. It's more like a cooling off period than break-up. To me, a break-up means breakup. Getting' back together and try to work things out again hardly help and seldom worked. *So people! If you're planning on a break-up, think twice! Is it a break-up or a cooling off period?* However, I know that she's getting really fed-up and disappointed on him. He doesn't seems to be giving' any signal like if he cares about this relationship. Yet, she couldn't let go. Why? Maybe cause it's her first love. She always wanted a romantic relationship which is sort of like an endless first love. Nevertheless, her very first boyfriend isn't a romantic person. Furthermore, this is their first relationship. Yes, both of them, first time being in love. I never trust first love will last forever, but it does happen in real life anyway. For me, from my point of view, I do think first love is important as it will be the one everyone asking about. Don't your friends ask you about your first love? I'm happy that, my first love is unforgettable. We had gone through happiness, unfaithful, sorrows, fights and craziness as well. Although it's over. I'm glad that we can still be friends, laughing about our memories during gathering. That's something I really wish for. First love doesn't mean your forever love. It also doesn't mean he's the one you love the most in your life. He's only a role in your life. That starts off your love life. That's what I thought about it.

Love Should be Joyful

Love should be joyful isn't it?

A friend called *Benson is now suffering and is apparently in the heartbreaking period for god-know-how-long. The way he express his love towards his ex-girlfriend gave me a kind of feeling. I don't understand why his love is so sad. Heart broken, I understand, hurt and pain. But I thought love should be joyful. Loving someone is not as easy as we thought. If you really love someone, I believe you can die for her, but definitely not killing yourself because she/he broke your heart. That’s just so not right. Love yourself before loving others. His ex-girlfriend obviously show no interested in getting back together with him anymore but yet he’s still hoping and waiting. That’s sweet because he let the love go on and wishing for another chance. However, I don’t feel the same anymore because he seems to be so down and blue. Love is pain, but love can be happy depends on how you treat it. When a girl said, it’s over, in a relationship, it seriously mean it’s over. No point forcing as well. He seriously should think of letting go himself and also let go the love on her. It might turn out to be a tough burden that causes pressure and make things feeling awkward. Love is more about giving than having. Not much people agree, not much people understand, some might thought I’m bull-shitting. But I do agree that sometimes, giving is also another way of having. Loving someone suppose to be something joyful, as there is still somebody for you to love. Is better to have someone to love than not having anyone to love, right? Love is never wrong.

Ice Cream Fever Pitch

Have you watch John Tucker Must Die? Believe or not, I watched twice in two days. And I still laugh my ass out of it. It's not like it's the best movie ever, but parts of it seriously make me laugh like nobody. The movie is more like another version of the mean girls. There's this guy called John Tucker'd been cheating around and when the victims found out, they decided to changed this typical school girl, Kate so that John will fell for her and they will broke his heart. There are lots of funny scene. Watched with Christ, Sofia, Aeni, Efy, Adip and Naem once. And watched again with Sam, Ken and Athena another night.

Finally, I had my ice cream! Thanks to the one that bought me ice creams. Had four flavored. I had durians, lychee, cookies and also roche. Oh My God! It taste so good. Fever Pitching~ Hahaha. Had been asking for ice creams since last week and i got it at last. And friend said i look like a kid while eating ice cream. Well, how can anyone resist the ice cream temptation? Hahaha. But he's right. I never show my babyish in front of other people. So, be proud to see that huh? I'm serious. I hardly be childish in front of my friends, well, I might done some naive action but definitely not the one I showed while I'm eating ice cream or enjoying some stuff like Carousel and Ferris Wheel. Well, I guess I'm just trying to be, different. *smile*

Quote of the day " Living is Easy with Eyes Closed "

I'm Sorry

I think I hurt someone,
I think I hurt myself as well without noticing.

all the while, I thought loving someone is personal problem, personal feelings, personal choice. But apparently, I'm wrong. It can involve certain amount of individuals. If loving someone causes pain for another party, will you give up loving the one you love? My answer is, I don't know and I don't want to know. It doesn't mean I don't care what others feel but I love myself and care my feelings as well. Although I'm in pain and my heart full of scars, but I believe in love, I choose to trust, and that's this hope keeps me believing and not too blue. Love can turn ones mood upside down. Depends on which way and which point you look at it. I always try to view it the perfect way, and also include the worst of it. Be prepared to get hurt before starting to love. It's not an easy thing to be done. I'm still in the process of preparing but already starting to love. Disadvantage is, sometimes I lost control and tears fall like a baby fell from mother's arm. But the strangest part is, it never stop me from giving and loving. Well, not exactly. There was once I'm so out of it till I hardly believe in it anymore. But now? Trust or not. I believe, I trust. Gone through a lot, I learn to trust the one I love. And also loving him using the way he can accept and the way both of us feel comfy with. No force, no pressure. Feelings left are love, cares and tenderness. This keep me motivate and is a solid reason for me to be brave and courage to love.

if I have to stop loving someone I love, I'm sorry to say, I couldn't. How can you control your feelings toward ones? It's not like playing a video, you can click on stop whenever you want. It's feelings growing in ones heart and sensation. Forcing me to stop loving someone hurts me, it's even worst than seeing the one I love falling in love with another girl. Both hurts me, but the first one hurt me more. I'm sorry. Just let me continue this love that can't be stopped, let me be the selfish girl that want to remain this love.

Presentation

It's today! We had our English oral presentation this morning. I won't say we did our best but I don't think it's bad. Got the idea of doing a play yesterday and simply get it done today. Last minute idea, you know how good it will be. Went to Aeni's place last night to helped the Ku Klux Klan presentation. Yea~ they're doing the KKK. Roy was there and we waited for Dennis and Houy to start the whole thing. Happy hanging around there and fooling around. I love it. Haha.. I simply joined the first scene of the KKK presentation as we come out with a funny and lame idea. Woke up real early in the morning. Wasn't feeling well at all since last night for no reason. Wore my roxy top with mini denim jacket and my jeans. Brought those stuff we borrowed from the science lab. I like that jacket, fashionable. Our presentation was bored. The only part I like is the play. Not the whole play but the part that we acted out the flashback about how Jacky killed me. I was supposed to slap him but I missed it. Instead, he slapped right on my left cheek and everyone was like, OHhh~~ and right after that he bang me on the wall. Another OHhh~~ from my classmate. Well, no one knows he's going to slapped me, not even my team members cause it was an idea between me and Jacky! We're professional. hahaha. Just want to make it real and more excited anyway. He's a nice guy. But it hurts!

Oh! I almost forget to mention this here. TOday's my darling Min Ern's 18 birthday!! I missed him. Happy Birthday Darling~ Called him this morning and wished him. That's really weird. I actually missed him more than any of my friends back in Malaysia. As in my boy friends. Isa I do miss him but not much. I like like like my Min Ern baby. Hahaha~ hope his girlfriend won't kill me for saying this. Anyhow, I used the word LIKE. I don't LOVE. That's big differences.