the one i love the most.

i know it sounds a little unreal and its hard to believe someone would actually waited to be love for like.. three years. you count the exact one. it happens on the 10th of June 2004 and soon enough, today is 27th of June 2007.

i never thought i would confront and tell him how i feel again. i don't have the guts if you really want to know why. yes, i am afraid. i am scared. its not easy to hold on for years yet knowing the feelings still growing strong. i do had a boyfriend within this three years. i had one, for half a year and blew off months ago. it still hurts like shit. but i actually don't feel the pain anymore whenever he's around and whenever i realize where my heart belongs. some people like my brother wx and sister hy might thought i am just confused and being content the fact that he doesn't want me. but deep down, i know it's not. the feeling is unexplainable and sometimes i just, don't mind going on.

it do hurts when there are someone in the picture or realizing he starting to ignore me. well, not a total ignorance but somehow, i just feel really isolated whenever he is being cold and all. however, it doesn't stop my love growing.

there is someone asking me, what if he has a girlfriend? what if he fell for a girl?

oh please. i don't know. i seriously don't know how to answer it. and when i heard these question, my tears starts to drop out from my eye socket uncontrollably. freaky. why do i have to cry when it hasn't happen, yet? honest speaking, i haven't really thought of it. as if it won't happen. yes, i'm wishing it won't happen. at least, not when i am still crazy and desperate for him. it hurts. thousand times.

has been thinking what makes me fall in love. as in really in love and it's really my first time being so desperate and wanting him. even worst, i approached. never happen until this young guy suddenly caught my heart.

i am worry whenever he's drink driving
i am worry whenever he's out in the night
i am nervous whenever he's around
i can feel my heart beats when we're in car, just the both of us
i can feel my face burning and turning red when he holds my hand
i can feel myself missing him right after i stepped out from his car
i become possessive wanting him all by myself
i become so caring when he is sick
well...
often, i hope for him to love me the way i do.

anyhow, i got this really bad feelings that one day, he'll just ignore me. leaving me alone, wanting me to forget him or something like that. don't laugh. he done it once and i got a feeling he'll do it again. it's just doesn't work that way. i mean, i don't stop loving someone i really love whole hearted just because he ignores me. that's just, no.

p.s wondering why am i that daring to speak this up at my blog?
1. he will never know. he doesn't read my blog.
2. i never mentioned his name. not a single hint. but most people know who's that anyway.
3. somehow, i also hoping he know how i feel.

一千一百一十一個日子

雖然過的不是情侶的日子
卻讓我們有深刻的感受
一路走來的快樂 傻氣 甜蜜
或許旁人不了解
也許只有在這曖昧不明的階段裡
我們才能夠用最真誠的心面對
那被收藏在心裡的感情
而你 會是我的最愛

你就是有辦法讓我感受不到傷口在發疼
一千一百一十一個日子裡看你舉棋不定
即使你沒有反應 我卻也願意
被你溫柔的表情 騙我愛上你
多麼實在的感覺 難易抗拒的曖昧
奇怪的是
對你 我就是會失去矜持
對你 我就是無法控制自己

p.s
謝謝你 我永遠的王子
別忘了
即使那些可惡的男人曾經讓我愛的死去活來
你是知道的 那是無法和對你的愛相比

MAISON

the very first time i went clubbing with benon. and it's also the first time i club in malaysia. it was ladies night at Maison. decided to go before i stepped on the land of malaysia.

it happened on my third day back in malaysia, which is on the 21st of june. benon came and picked me up with ming chien, a guy i haven't been seeing him for 6years. we went to section 15 - station one, for dinner. weil xuan, yun, kean leong and kean way were waiting for us. station one ain't as good as i thought it should be. was thinking to go to malaysia eye *benon's promise* but it was raining. damn it! so want to be there. i love ferris wheel. it gives me a really positive feelings. however, we didn't got a chance to be there, the titiwangsa giant ferris wheel. never mind. he'll bring me there the next time we're out.

weil xuan wasn't interested to go clubbing with us. but me and yun managed to convince him. so, we drove to his place and waited for him to get changed. benon and me in his car. yun, ming chien, kean way and kean leong in leong's car. i still don't get it. why do they have to squeeze all in one car than having one of them to be in ours ?

we reached maison, which is located somewhere in kl around 10.30pm. a little too early for clubbing, i know. never went clubbing that early before, i mean in melbourne. we waited at the front door till 11pm to get inside. met ivana and jun at the door. the guys got us a table and we start having black label. wei hao and elbe got drunk in the first half an hour. that's fast. as in real fast isn't it? *smile* but am really happy that night. first time holding hands and some nice sweet action that shows protection. too bad. it is not something real. it's all because of me being tipsy and worried him. damn it! what am i suppose to do? sigh

end up, we left Maison around 3 in the morning and went for supper. benon, me, weil xuan and ming chien sent weil xuan home and we went to leong's house. 'lepak' till 5 something in the morning. i was so tired that i couldn't even remember how i fell asleep. benon woke me up around 6 and sent me home before he went home and catch some sleeps. nice night. although i'm exhausted. ^^

i am home, again

people' i am back, again. some of my friends might thought i haven't been around for long but actually, i am away for 5 months. i was having my holiday from the 22 of january to the 18 of february. and now i am having my semester break from 18th of june to 16 of july. isn't it great?

time really flies by. i had done my first semester of my first year uni. although i am expecting to re-take at least a subject, but still, i had done a semester. anyhow, uni life just make me feel like falling in love with a guy. i love, but at the same time, i hate. i love uni as the timetable is really flexible. i fixed it i arranged it, for my own. and so my first semester, basically i only have class from monday to wednesday. and a long weekend after that. hence, i have plenty of time relaxing, chilling. but but but, i hate uni. it ain't easy. taking things for granted, i thought it will be a piece of cake, but no man, i got it wrong. so my lesson is, possibly re-take. sigh.

drop it. stop the schooling part and here come the holidays "

i took SIA back as usual. just love the singapore airline. services are good and food, delicious. it only took me 8minutes to check-in and got my passport stamped. fast. express. that's great! i don't have to que-up cause i've got the express pass. *wink* vip.

on plane. is glad that they have pura milk. i requested a glass of it. yummy. call me the milky girl. the food is good, had their breakfast set with the beef sausage and beans with fruit salad as side. healthy diet. after that, i clicked on the channel showing a korean movie i was looking forward - " 200 pounds beauty ". and just like what expected, it's a good movie. hilarious and meaningful. making fun of fat people yet telling the truth of surgeries for beauty.

it's about a 200 pounds lady with great voice help singing for a sexy and good looking singer with no talent on singing. soon, she fell in love with the music director and decided to go for plastic surgery so she'll look good.

plastic surgery. damn it! i heard a rumors about the korean which i certainly have not find out weather it's just a rumors or a fact. people saying if a korean girl without surgery is not korean. it become their culture. nothing to be ashamed of. so, does it mean, it's a tradition? like, natural beauty is not beautiful but those with man-make?

i nodded my head if people saying cosmetic is magic to make a person look great. but surgery, don't they think it's so not natural and fake? basically, the beauty is not born with, is not effort putting in, but a mask. i am not pretty. but at least i am natural. please don't criticize me by saying, " you are natural, that's why you are ugly " i see a lot of people with natural beauty. just love their face compare to those with thick make ups or even worst, surgery.

Nice One~

it's June now.

another 5 months++ to finish up 2007. Honest speaking, I dislike the year, very indeed. For some reasons, i think this year is like the worst one for me. was expecting a very good year on the 1st day of the year. but it just turn out to be the worst one. sigh. not only me not concentrating on my studies, also screwed-up in love relationship and not forget to mention, i haven't really hang out with my friends much.


[ How do I learn to love like I've never hurt before when deep inside I am probably still hurting? ] meaningful isn't it? grabbed this from Jacqueline's.
imagine one sentence can fit so many mood.

i'm pretty sure there are a lot out there having the same feelings deep down inside.

screwed love.

especially the one happens between a male and a female that practically un-related if there's no so-called fate or unintended meet ups. trying my very best to remember there are nice and sweet and happy and well-being love out there, like my parents, but i just couldn't not remind myself the pain i felt.

i dislike being a cry-baby. yet, tears just won't stop dropping. i once thought i would never cry for a guy anymore after my very first f**ked up relationship. however, i cried for a guy i love much but we just couldn't be couple, god know why. and now, even worst, cry whenever wherever whatever cause of this total jerk. what make it worst is, i love him.

i know i know. i shouldn't be sad or acting like a mad cow. yes, i shall get even.

Photos

Update Session!!!!!

sometimes my life is just black and white`

St Kilda Beach @ Douglas' Holiday in Melbourne

Lavish. Before alcohol takes place` ^^

Lavish Night on the dancing pole`

Star Sign says I'm Passionate

Look! Look! Look WHAT I found. Well, I know is nothing big-deal but just for your information, I think it speaks the truth. Lot of you not so into the whole horoscope thing, I know, but if it's saying something positive, why don't just take it as it is the most accurate thing ever? Make yourself happier, make your life easier, make you motivated.

So I'm just going to pick a few out of the 12 months. Just don't want my precious blog to be full of this thing. Anyhow, this post will be all about the Horoscope or Star Sign if you like to call that.

Aquarius the so-called the one that waits
.Dominant in relationship
.Caring
.Smart
.Loud
.Loyal
.Easy to talk to
.Everything you ever wanted
*THIS IS SO NOT TRUE if you are referring it to the dumb-ass guy that hurt me f***ing badly*

Gemini the so-called Liar
.Outgoing
.Lovable
.Not one to mess with
.Funny
.Excellent kisser
.Addictive
.Love relationships
*Some of it, true but they are not LIAR*

Taurus the so-called Cutie
.Very High Appeal
.Love is one of a kind
.Romantic
.Most caring person
.Spontaneous
.Not a Fighter but Violence
.Entirely creative
.Random and proud of it
*Yes.. yes.. just like my sister, Chelsea*

Virgo was called the perfectionist but now the Promiscuous one
.Spontaneous
.High Appeal
.Rare to find
.No one to mess with
.Love long relationship
.Too much love to be given
*My mom is the perfect icon for this*

and at last but the most important one,
CAPRICORN the Passionate Lover
YES YES YES!! you are right. It's me~
.Love to bust
.Nice
.Sassy
.Intelligent
.Irresistible
.Love being in long relationship
.Great talker
.Cool
.Loves to own Geminis' in sports
.Extremely Fun
.Love to joke
.Smart
*well, they should include vivacious and sentimental as well. and perhaps, romantic?*

p.s thanks to Bettina Tan for this info. I only pick a few of it, so if you're interested in seeing the full of it, go to my links and click her blog link. thanks !

In and Out

My first time reading the MX is on Friday the 8th of June. MX is a news paper sort of reading material to the public and I never grab one although it's free. But a Pariz picture on the cover with a huge heading of RASH DECISION caught my attention, so I just grab one and start reading it on the bench. I was laughing while reading it. She has been released from jail after spending a seventy-two hours in it. It's cited that her release is due to 'medical reason', which is she had suffered from a rash as the LA County detention facilities are known to have problem controlling staphylococcus infection that cause rashes. And so, she's set free from the jail and 're-assigned' to serve her sentence at her Hollywood mansion, wearing an electronic tag. Well, well... she must be so happy to leave that tiny prison cell and return to her belgravia at Hollywood. Is it really because of the medical reason? Or just because she's famous? Damn it! Just a three days sentence in prison and released? Although she is re-assigned to be serve the remain days at home, but that's not a punishment. Anyhow, when I'm sitting there thinking whether or not she is truly suffering from the rash, she is sent back to the prison. Was browsing the internet this morning and latest news from TheAge saying Paris was taken from a courtroom screaming and crying today, seconds after a judge ordered her returned to jail to serve out her entire 45-day sentence for a parole violation in a reckless driving case. Well, the court have to make this decision as there are a lot of anger voices spreading when she was released. So... back to the inferior life, Pariz.


I don't think this is a true copy. Know why? Notice the date and time at the corner? Left on Top.


Sobbing Pariz while being taken back to the prison. Nightmare of her life.

Birthday Marathon?!

UPDATES!!!!

Happy Birthday to Alvin dear !!!! Your 18th Birthday, but I am not around. *smile*
Happy Birthday to DADDY ` I Love You, Mr Chang.
Happy Birthday to Benon aka my Black Heart Devil ! I managed to wake up sharp on 2am *Melbourne Time* which means 12am *Msia Time* and called to say Happy Birthday!

Realizing I have a number of friends celebrating their birthday this month. All Gemini babies. Which means I'm going to be broke, again. To avoid being cashless that may lead to an embarrassment when I am having my short term breaks back in Malaysia *oOooohh! Did I ever mention I am going back in June? For a three weeks holiday? Yes, I will be coming back pals* , Miss Sylvia, which is me, decided to only pick a few V.I.P to spend on.

Even though I've picked a few of them, I still have a hard time deciding what to buy. To buy guys a birthday gift is so hard. So people I chose:

1. My Father, Mr Chang - 7th June
2. My Warmest, Benon - 7th of June
3. My Ex Boo, Sam - 8th of June
4. My Pet Bro, Alvin - 4th of June
5. My Uncle, Mr Voon - 20th of June

See! I still have to spend on five people out of the almost ten birthday babies.

However, I shared with Ang and Ken to got Sam a LV long wallet. Not the monogram one! I like the checkers. Even thinking to get myself one, the white and blue one but unfortunately they don't have a design on that. Damn! How can they not have it? It will be so hot. Anyway, it's good too. So I won't spend another approx. 500AUD on it. And like what my yoga instructor said, it's not my age. But I like the bloody box so much. Gonna steal it from Sam, I guess.

Also, I got Alvin a Rip curl wallet. It looks cool and I just like it.

When you have no idea what to get for a guy, pick your choice out of:

1. a watch perhaps Swatch
2. a cap
3. a printed tee-shirt
4. budgeted wallet
5. cheap stainless steel necklace

Those are the affordable. And if you're thinking of some expensive things, try:

1. a PS3 * guys might drop his knees*
2. a Nintendo Wii *Same case with PS3*
3. Gucci's wallet
4. A|X tops
5. CK bottoms
6. Zegna/Hugo Boss perfumes


Big difference isn't it?

And I truly like guys wearing A|X tops. Saw a couple of them while window shopping with Ang. I know I will enter that shop again to grab a few tops. Not only for me but also for him. Calvin Klein is just a brand I quite like it. Especially their undies. Even me myself wanted it. Perfumes, I only know Zegna and Hugo Boss and CK for guys. Those are the smells I am fine with it.

Don't tell me those weird name that might be branded in Europe or wherever. I am just a 19 years old student and I don't use 'that' branded things. My limitation is set to Guess, A|X, Calvin Klein and MNG. And I do wear cheap clothes from Jay Jay, Supre, Cotton On and Giordano. Perfumes, I like the Escada's Into the Blue, JLo's Live, DKNY Apple and Stella McCartney. Gonna get the JLo's Glow In Dark and Hilary's with Love and also Britney's Fantasy.

Oh Oh Oh! I got myself some new stuff from Guess. A perfume and a pochette.
Am going to get one for the girl that help me to deliver cakes to my house.
It's a white pochette! They got a black one too. But I decided to take the white one. *wink*

Paris in Jail

The materialistic lady and the symbol of privilege, Paris Hilton has started her inferior life in the LA County Jail. The news wasn't hot 'n' fresh for most of you but it is to me. Imagining this young lady has to suffer a 45 days jail life (would be a 25 if she is well behave). I think she will be having a hard time adapting the new temporary days in the small prison cell. Compare to her warm and classy house back in Hollywood, the prison cell is just the most cruel punishment to her. Not only the sleeping area but also the toiletries and the meals. Well, this is the punishment for driving when your license are suspended. And the weirdest thing is, she act like as if she doesn't know her license is under suspension? Well, maybe she don't. I think she know nothing but fashion and shopping.

In the prison, no cameras, no parties, no shopping, no medicure pedicure, no beauty salon, no paparazzi. I wonder how is she feeling right now. Anyhow, I'm sure the day she's free from jail, a lot of interviews and news will be reporting about her feelings and new lifestyle or attitude. And that's another amount of cash earning to fill her wardrobe.

However, driving on a suspended license being treated as a probation violation in LA ? I don't get it. Why is it happen to be so serious? I mean, maybe a public service order or an amount of fund might sound more reasonable. She has to take responsible for it but not that absurd. Well, it's non of my business. *smile* I didn't really like this lady anyway.

What she has is only the cash and the fame. And with those medium, she got to owned fabulous outfits and designer bags and shoes. Well, well, blame her for being rich. Complaint to the god for allowing her to be born in the filthy wealthy family. Anyhow, she's in jail now! Also, she doesn't have the appearance that can represent a lady with a temperament, not at all. Keira Knightley, to me is way better than her. Keira's Pirates of the Carribean compare to Paris's Simple Life, Keira is just way better. And also, you see why the director did not ask Paris to the Pirates. She is more suitable for the content like Simple Life or Road Trip. Something deep and needed good acting skills just ain't her cup of tea, I guess.

Still, I'm wondering... what make her so famous?
My first introduced to Paris is through the commercial ads. Remember?! The one washing cars in bikinis or something which the least cloth are used. Having the McDonald's burger if I'm not wrong. But washing car?? Well, till now I don't get what's the ad about. Burger? Sexy doing car wash for charity? * I don't think so* or to promote the car? *hmphhh...* Whatever it is. She's not my icon. Won't be. Never will.

Two days before entering the LA County Jail, Paris arrived the MTV award with her chic look.

Paris Hilton is photographed by the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department as she books in to begin her jail sentence.

Oopsie! Got caught driving on a suspended license. *Ma... I'm in trouble - Pariz*

" Is my case so interesting and worth a headline on the newspaper ?? " smiled.

Nightmare begins....
Paris New Bedroom in LA County Jail. * It's clean and look chilly..*

GOOD LUCK paris`