when the day have passed by, i realized how much i've missed.
a month to go and i'm gonna say goodbye to the title of being a teenager. double ten, stepping into the twenties. i know it will be something new, another level of life is about to start. looking back the 19 years of being a daughter, a friend, a niece, a cousin... what have i done to make some one actually praised.
realizing how long haven't i heard a laud, and it actually cause my heart break. maybe i shouldn't use such a strong word to express, maybe just a tiny crack that resulted continuously leakage. how fascinating is it to be valued, to be care, to be love?
i am not blaming nor complaining, but i missed those days, those days i had my fringe tied up, big hand holding my tiny one running over the ground. hugging my 'goofy' little brother wishing a present from santa on bed on the night we called christmas eve. its only been 14 years ago, but feels 40 years to me.
remembering the singapore movie 'i'm not stupid 2', couldn't be agree more, how long have you not praising someone? tell me i'm worth the laud, lecture me with your thoughts and feels. don't feel bad when i look like i don't care. cause i'm born to have that face. i care a lot, but it just don't show on my face. what can i do ? forcing to show an overreact caring face? that's so perfunctory. i assure you, i take in advice, but there are times, i don't give a damn. as you never feel me, you never put yourself in my place, you never felt being so left out yet you couldn't do a thing.
jealousy doesn't exists as it never gonna work. people tend to jealous and envy and do something stupid, because they want a difference, something in return. but why jealous when you know it's pathetic useless and practically won't work either way. jealousy kill a man. damage your brain, ruin your emotion, as for ladies, brings lines on your face. take in the yoga talk, inhale ... exhale.. breath.. count to 5.. it's no big deal. you are still the same old you, you've changed but no one see. yes, don't blame them. we're all human. human often look others' weakness but not the goods. now i wonder, why don't you magnifies the positive value of a person, instead of shaking head over their flaw. i'm not perfect, and never want to be. perfection cost too much. being myself, trying to do my best, that's the most i can do, not only for me, but all of you. yet, you don't see it. being good, being perfect takes great responsibility. i am not the kind of people who are afraid of the force but no when i'm only 20.
tell me i'm brats, tell me i'm spoiled. i couldn't agree more.