Last Day in HELP

im now listening 'erica' by justin.

omg.. what the hell is the govt doing..
they increased the price of the oil.. again!!!
this is the third time in two years..
which means.. everything will be increasing..
my god.. increased 30cents..

woke up a little early..
went to college.. today is my last day..
hmmm.. claudia seems to be so different..
i mean.. she doesnt really wanna talk to me..
and.. she seems so quiet..
it make me feel kinda bad..
well.. today was my last day..
i seriously dont wanna see my friends acting like that..
sigh.. after law class..
went to office.. gotta catch up some work..
well.. i used the high way from old town to sunway..
break my high speed record.. 140..

wasnt happy.. parents dont allow me to involve much..
as in.. they dont really want me to involve in college thing..
they want me to concentrate on work..
and also checking stuff about aus..

no mood.. sigh.

lots of love,
wei-wei

not because of him

im now listening two in a million.

told all of my college friends im leavin..
received claudia's message..
she doubted i choose australia..
is because of him.. which.. i dont think so..
well.. i did ask myself..
if its really because of him..
but the answer is no..
really, i am not going aus cause of him..
i choose aus because i wanted..
im taking up business.. not law..
is pointless for me to take business in uk..
costly.. and.. i will feel bad..
what do you want me to do ?
seeing my friends going law school..
and me myself going business school ??
how bad would it be.. hmmm..
i wont regret my choice..

lots of love,
wei-wei

because of him ?

im listening 'miss you like crazy' by natalie cole.
im not sure if its sang by natalie cole but ..
i bought it from a cd shop..
the album is called the piano love song..
like it cause of the lyrics..

even though its been so long..
my love for you keep going strong..
i remember the things that we used to do..
a kiss in the rain till the sun shined through..
id try to deny, but im still in love with you..

thats part of the lyrics..
cause of this tiny lil part of lyrics..
i like this song.. weird huh ?
sue me ! hahaha.. im just like that..
i easily fall in love with music..
thats why people saying..
no music no life.. especially those nice one..

the song makes me feel so warm..
well.. not sad.. but im seriously missing..
missing those days.. those things we used to do..
its all over but its just in my mind..
as memories.. a really good one..
as i know im not desperately to have bf..
just let it be what it should be.. right..
no force.. no pressure on anything..
naturally.. it will come out a way.. to solve it.

dad wondering if i choose aus cause of him..
or i seriously wanted to study there..
to tell the truth.. it might be a minor reason..
but the major one..
definitely because i of my family.. and..
i choose to study business..
and i wanted to be closer to my family..
uk would be far.. and costly..
and.. the only thing i wanted to study in uk..
is because of law.. if im taking law..
then, i will be going uk.. i mean..
yea.. they have the best school for law..
and since im taking business..
then i will be going aus.. as for uk..
i will be going for vacation.. definitely!!

last night..
watched some taiwan tv program..
they were talking about couple..
as in stuff that would possibly happen..
between couple that are sweet.. sour.. spicy..
hahahaa.. it seriously remind me stuff..
things like.. ermzz.. those action..
like how we call each other..
taking care of each other and stuff..
bro asked me which bfs were the closest..
and i had done the sweetest thing with..
hmmm.. lets see..
well.. flashed back !!! everything is in my mind..
sweet.. sour.. spicy... whatever you want!..
hahahaa..

lots of love,
wei-wei

First Accident

im listening 'vacation' by simple plan.

was suppose to have awang's extra class..
but i didnt go for his accounting class..
dont say im lazy!! didnt go 'cuz im sick..
headache.. cold.. and fever..

told my friends im going aus..
somewhere in june or july.. august intake..
some of them supporting me..
but most of them unhappy about it..
i understand.. i do.. understand..
why they arent happy bout it..
but i dont know what can i do..
im definitely not changin my mind..
and.. im pretty sure aus will be my choice..
leaving doesnt mean breaking up the friendship..
im still me myself.. still a friend of yours..
no matter what happen..
no matter where am i.
friends are still friends..
i made something for my friends..
the one for kelly is the nicest.. i think..
but the one for claudia will be more meaningful..

went ikano in the afternoon..
to get some food and fresh tomatoes..
but get involved in an accident..
not serious.. just a minor one..
head knock on the sterling.. which is kinda hurt..
my honda is alright.. just a lil scratches..
but the perdana i knocked.. dented..
hahahaa.. thats why people saying..
its like milo tin.. lol..

visited my friends blog..
claudia got herself one too...
she mentioned bout me.. and the issue..
hmm.. sorry my dear..

lots of love,
wei-wei

im sorry my friend

im listening to 'my everything' by 98degrees.

im sorry my friends..
my final decision.. quitting a levels..
going aus for further studies..
was feelin bad last night..
claudia txt me and told me how she felt..
and she cried.. sigh.. thats so bad..

went college early in the morning..
got accounting class and economic class..
during the break.. i went department of a level..
asked about the refundin and stuff..
claudia cried.. again.. in front of me..
she.. sigh.. we end up huggin each other..
in the washroom.. cried.. too..
im feelin bad.. felt sorry to make everyone unhappy.
but.. im sorry.. thats my choice..
and.. my decision.. my final one..
support me please.. if you love me..
wont be leaving till june i guess..
this month.. will be my last month.
last month studyin in Help University College..

cook for dinner..
but scolded by parents..
sigh.. hahaha.. because..
food that i cook mostly spicy..
hahahaaa.. what to do.. i love spicy food..
i cant believe that sam can cook..
especially cookin bah kut teh!!!!
my favorite food.. his mom is cool..
i mean.. she know how to cook curry..
tom yam.. bah kut teh.. even laksa..
my god.. all my favorite food !!!!

asked few friends about it..
thinking where to study..
so now.. there are two alternative..
trinity college.. or melbourne taylor college..
majority preferred melbourne taylor college..
and my parents too.. so..
i think.. possibility is higher..
hmmm.. not really in mood....

lots of love,
wei wei

California Dream

im listening to 'the hardest thing' again.

woke up early..
wore my white roxy surf tee..
and black billabong quarter pants..
look boyish.. haha.. with roxy cap as well..
reached school early..
took the shuttle bus with yee en and wee chean..
accounting class.. paid fully attention..
as i know im definitely taking business..
claudia, kelly, emily and yee en they all knew..
i told them.. about me and my family.. decision..
they felt sad.. we plan to study at uk together..
but im not with them anymore.. so.. *sigh*
kelly skipped her maths class..
we went friendster cafe again.. to have a drink..
and a nice talk.. with our 'california dream'..
its a drink.. with pineapple & strawberry
plus low fat milk.. delicious.. and healthy..
after that, we went back to my place..
online for a while.. check out those university..
then, picked my brother up around 2 pm..
went damansara uptown for lunch..
had 'mee papan' with kelly, claudia & brother..
the saddest part is.. after that..
we gotta go back help for LAN classes..
malaysian studies... some history shit..
shaff and aznal were funny..
me, ee ling and claudia were so bored..
and tired.. till we fell asleep..

told my parents.. asking them..
if i should drop a levels..
and straight away go aus..
well.. now its my choice..
to choose.. to go now.. or next year...
givin up my passion.. my dream..
dream is still a dream..

lots of love,
sugar rush

Final Decision

im currently in a.. weird mood..
chat with my parents..
told them my idea..
about going to aus or uk..
according to those talk..
im sure.. well.. givin' up law..
going to focus on business..
fully business now.. no others..
and im going aus.. no more uk.
well.. maybe holiday @ uk..
guess.. i'll have to check out university over there.

read his blog. my god..
im frightened. its so scary..
i mean.. what if anything happen to him??
why.. why was he moody??
why dont tell me.. let me know?
well.. im not sure if i can do anythin..
but at least.. i can be the one listening..
supporting.. accompany-ing.. sigh..
maybe.. im just not the one..
who qualify to be the one..

lots of love,
sugar rush

lyrics!!

im now listening to 'the hardest thing' by 98 degrees.

woke up around 5.30.. its early..
but i was rolling on my bed..
thanks to gastric pain.. sigh.. bad.
reached college earlier.. reached around 7.
yea.. 7 sharp!!!
and claudia & eeling were still @ home..
checked out 98degrees the collection album..
was looking at those lyrics..
i realize there are few songs..
love it.. well.. at least their lyrics attracted me..

im being unfair to others .. hahaa..
those lyrics i found..
actually suit me and my night vampire..
lyrics like 'the hardest thing'..
'was it something i didnt say'..
'why ( are we still friends ).. LOL..

the hardest thing.. *part of the lyrics that suit me*
'its the hardest thing i'll ever have to do,
to look you in the eyes,
and tell you i dont love you.
its the hardest thing i'll ever have to lie,
to show no emotion when you start to cry.
i cant let you see,
what you mean to me.
when my hands are tied,
and my heart's not free.
we're not meant to be.
its the hardest thing i'll ever have to do,
to turn around and walk away,
pretending i dont love you.'

was it something i didnt say.. *part of the lyrics*
'spending another night alone,
wondering when im gonna
ever see you again.
thinking what i would give
to get you back baby,
i should have told you how i felt then..
instead, i kept it to myself..
yea.. i let my love go unexpressed.
till it was too late,you walked away.'

why ( are we still friends ).. *part of the lyrics*
'why, why are we still friends..
when everything say,
we should be more than what we are.
and tell me why, everytime i find..
someone that i like..
we always end up just being friends.'

i just so into those songs..
cause of the lyrics.. well..
seems a lil dumb.. but yea.. what to do.
hahaha..

hmmm.. im sort of like facing a problem..
well.. maybe is a situation i made up..
now.. im kinda confuse.. to go uk or aus..
considering my sister is still young..
she needed a large amount of money to study in sri kdu..
i mean.. come on la.. shes only primary 4..
how bout secondary.. plus together..
should be a big amount right..
so.. if im going uk.. im worried..
my parents might be having a hard life..
to support me.. over there.. education fees..
and normal expenses.. it will be another amount..
which i really dont want it to happen..
if.. i say if i choose to study at aus..
at least.. things wouldnt be that bad right..
cheaper than.. uk.. and my parents can visit me often..
they wouldnt be worrying me.. ^^
hmmmm.. so.. guess ill talk to mom..and dad bout it..

miss u.. *chuu chuuuu*

lots of love,
sugar rush

why ( are we still friends )

omg. you wouldnt believe this..
im in love !!! with a bloody song..
why ( are we still friends ) by 98 degrees. !!
my god.. its so damn nice..
well, maybe not to everyone..
but yea.. just like what jia wei said..
it suits me. A lot.. hahaha..
its like.. well.. the lyrics.. and stuff..
i put it as my background music in blogspot.. LOL. fast huh ? hahahaa.. of course..
lovin' it. and there is another song..
my everything by 98 degrees too.
soft.. slow.. touching..
my god my god.. oh my god..
im so into all this songs now.. hahahaaa..

lets start of todays things..
woke up early.. reached early..
but awang was late.. the guard told us he ll be late..
so we waited.. well.. not exactly..
cause me, aznal, claudia, emily and kelly went subway for a drink..
actually.. its like.. a chat.. hahahaa.. lame!
then, we walked back to wisma help.
met the office lady.. she told us class awangs class canceled.
oh my.. we were happy.. but hey!! wasted my time..
i could have stay at home and slept for another few hours till my econs class.!
arghh.. anyway, me, kelly and claudia went out..
we went friendster cafe for brunch.
stayed there till 11.30.. chat.. gossiping..
and some girls talk.. hahhaaa..
and i found out there is this drink called "callifornia dream"..
nice.. its mixture of pineapple with strawberry and low fat milk.
and their char kuey teow is delicious too!!!
arghh.. im gettin fatter and fatter. sigh.
hahahaa..
went back for econs class..
sat behind.. did some reading on buffer stocks and eoc.
then, claudia and i went library.
we thought there is moral studies quiz later during our LAN.
but nahh.. got it wrong. its next week! hahaha..
so emily meet us up and we went mc donald @ pbd..
owhh.. did i mention billy foong is sick?
well.. he is.. hahahaa.. good luck man..
get well soon.. but you dont look like youre sick..
moral studies.. shitty..
its so bored. we end up playing bingo
while the other groups doing their presentation.
well.. not respecting but.. what else can we do?
gotta bring my lovely vaio tomorrow.
must !!! hahahaaa.. talked to ming li..
found out she is 2 yrs older than us.
she is so girlish.. her voice sweet.. and..
trust me.. she doesnt look old.. at all..
and owhh.. ching loong is a year older than me!!!
my god.. doesnt look like too.. arghhhh...
owhh.. and kelly!!! she look great today..
well.. sporty and cute!!! im serious..
simple and nice.. thats just casual and classy..
hahahaaa.. lovin' it.

missing you, my night vampire..
you wouldnt know how much it meant to me..
when you said..
im the only one you are missing..
when i know you.. seldom missed someone..
gotta look for your 'wife' this weekend..
dont worry.. hahhaaaa..
loving you, my cutest yandaoo andy.. hahahaa.
*chuu chuuuu*

lots of love,
sugar rush*

what a nice dream

im now listening to 'because you live' by jesse mccartney.

i woke up around 11 in the morning..
i seriously think that i should have sleep early..
well.. starts to sleep early i mean..
slept around 2 last night.. was "party-ing"..
still feeling a lil dizzy.. and tired..

omg. i put on weight..
gettin fatter and fatter every day..
sigh. thats so sad.
argh.. gonna work out on it man..
before going thai.. before going aus..
im not going to show up with this body man..
its like hippo.. no.. pig.. !! huge fat pig.
i know i can do it.. yea.. on diet!!

dream of him last night. both of them..
my night vampire.. and the other one..n
two dreams in a night. hmmm..
in the dream with my night vampire..
im at aus.. doing everything sweet and memorable..
its like he make me feel that..
i can do everything over-dreamed..
where else.. dream with the other one..
sweet too.. but.. just.. weird.. hahahaa..
owhh.. anyway.. still nice and sweet dreams.
something just pop in my mind..
some unique ideas.. something.. sweet..
im going to do something..
some surprises perhaps.. on his 18th birthday.
god bless i can do it.. its kinda hard to come true..
but ill try my best!!!! ^^

[edited]
i felt im such a bad friend..
visited emilys blog few minutes ago..
just found out she is facing some problems..
god.. im so sorry babe..
should be more caring to people around me..
sigh. im so bad.. selfish bitch..!!!
anyway.. hope everything is alright babe..
muahxx..

miss my night vampire.. *chu*
miss my buddies too.. *chu chu*

lots of love,
sugar rush

some crazy action with brother

its 7.40pm now..
just got back from ou and ikano..
went there with brother..
was looking for andy chan's album..
he's so damn cute !!! andy!!!
andy!!! you'll be my next lover. LOL.
hahaha.. whatever
anyway, we end up buying peach tea..
and bread at ou.. nothing else..
he almost got me the pinky teddy!!!
im dying to have it. arghh..
went to a flower shop..
brother and i acted as a couple..
im like.. i wanted that teddy + chocs + flower..
and after brother asked the price..
he's like .. no.. too expensive..
then, i acted as im angry.. you know..
gf angry her bf for being stingy and stuff..
the shopkeeper was like.. shocked. hahahaa
i slapped my bro in front of her!!! hahahaa..
then both of us just walk off like that..
laugh till my tears came out.. hahahaa..
im sure.. none of my friend can do the same thing with their siblings.
lol.. we're just so close.. and crazy!!
hahahaa..
after ou, we went ikano.. went cold storage..
bought some stuff for tonight and tomorrow..
LOL.. was thinking the next time..
if we're acting again..
we're going to have a big fight in crowd..
then when everyone concentrating on our fight..
we'll laugh and say " jeez.. its a joke"
hahahahaa.. wouldnt it be funny??

missing you.. my night vampire. lol.. obvious!!!! hahahahaa
and also missing those cutie lion.. arghhh..

lots of love,
sugar rush*

update pics

kelly and sylvia
sylvia & claudia @ midvalley
us @ midvalley
we're in car with balloon

my lovely jazz
my ear
sylvia & claudia @ little vietnam
us on the way to mv

the actress

oh my god im so tired !!
slept for like 3 to 4 hours..
then, brother woke me up.
parents not at home, so im responsible to fetch him to school.
whats wrong with goverment school ?
saturday got school ??
that's so bad.. weekend suppose to be relaxing and enjoying.
and i have to pick brother up around 12. sigh.

cant really sleep last night.
was worrying bout him.
he went out with friends..
they went out for a drink, and guess he drunk..
was thinking if im beside him,
taking care of him while he is drunk.
how nice would it be.. but..
things like that will never happen.
i know people feel lonely and sad when they are drunk..
stuff they were escaping and tried to deny..
will spilt out when they are drunk..
wondering if he is like that.. he might feeling lonely..
over there.. at night.. nobody accompany..
if im over there..
i would have put on a towel on his forehead..
half forcing him to drink some warm awaking tea..
holding his hand when he is sleeping.. sitting beside his bed..
waiting him to get over it.. wouldnt it be nice?
sigh.. i shuldnt be thinking like this..
even if he is drunk over here..
is not my job, or even any opportunity
for me to be with and accompany him all time..
he left me a message.
asked me to ignore what he had said..
which im really blurr bout it. dont know what he refers to..
am i sensitive? maybe, i am..
i hope it doesnt referr to those messages he sent.
he might ask me to stop <3-ing him..
which really sucks. i dislike.
even worst.. im afraid he might ignore me or feeling awkward.
hope he is not like that..
as for now, im not wishing the everlasting ending for both of us.
what i really want from him is..
our memories. stuff like.. our past and possible..
happening memories.. is that too much to ask for ??

i used to be an actress..
not acting on tv.. but in front of people.
not acting to be someone im not..
but acting to be alright.. to be fine..
people normally see me as a tough girl..
i used to be happy-go-lucky type..
but it doesnt mean im tough enough to handle everything..
actually. not much thing i cant handle..
so far.. only things happen between me and wv5..
only stuff related with him.. i couldnt handle it calm and steady..
always felt panic..only acting..
only acting in front of my buddies..
act like i dont care.. act like im a player..
act like im ok with it.. i get over the past..
but im tired.. really.. thats why.. i decided..
stop acting.. from now onwards..
i'll be who i am.. feel happy and proud to express..
telling him i missed him.. telling friends i missed him..

lots of love,
sugar rush

what a nice day to sleep

seriously, you got no idea how precious it is to me.
as in to sleep in the afternoon.. or so-called beuty sleep.
normally im busy for nothing, got stuff to do all time..
wont have extra time to put myself on bed..
which is really bad, bad for skin as well..
thats why people always meet the ugly sylvia.*sigh* thats so sad.

started with a bad hair day.
i dont know whats wrong with my hair.
its a mess!! anyway, i dont give a damn.
so.. off topic. and continue with..
im late for school.
was suppose to reach at 7.30 in the A.M
instead, i arrived around 7.50. thought im late but..
awang never starts the class on time so.. im not. haha..
showed ching loong the mini mahjong and my laptop..
nothing in it like what kevan said.. haha.
of course la! i nvr download games and stuff.
what i do is online and gossiping, blogging using my vaio.
teased kelly. funny. she was speechless.hahaa
after class, waited ray and we went back to main block.
had lunch at rice bowl with shaff and aznal.
its fun to hang around with em. they are funny.
lots of craps too. hahaha.
after that, we went dsa. taught em mahjong.
failed cause we are not allowed to play mahjong in dsa.
wtv.
so end up, claudia & bowie played piano.
me, ching loong and ee ling played foos.
shaff, aznal and gang went somewhere else.

back to my place around two.
did some studies on law after bathin..
picked up my as level on the floor and read...
done my first chapter in less than an hour..
so i helped my sis on her homework..
her friend, ashley sleepover tonight, i guess.
nahh.. i dont give a damn. put myself in bed around 4.30..
was havin a nice dream till dad woke me up for dinner.
sigh. im still full but have to accompany my parents.
so i sat beside em, gossiping, drinkin soup and had some veggie.
mom booked air tickets to thailand and they count me in.
was not interested at first but not anymore..
they told me theres a mall beside hotel.. so.. yea! im goin.
planned to visit aus. so guess ill just have to arrange it again.

did i mentioned ive changed my nickname?
sugar rush.. isnt it nice? does it sound sweet?
well, whatever you say. i like it. LOL
cant wait to get my se w900i..
was suppose to get it today.. but.. sigh..
according to that fella, shipment prob..
so i have to go back next wed to get it.

missing him again. its kinda weird to miss someone like this.
after all this while, i found myself turning back to him.
told my dear bout it. she told me not to fall for him again..
but sorry dear, i cant help. everything is out of control.
i tried to deny and tried to avoid it. serious.
it just dont work on me.. i know im not suppose to..
but i cant help.. cant help falling in love..
jeez. lilo and stich song.
i need a hand to pull me out of this situation..

was shocked to know emily actually blogging.
and mentioned us in it. felt bad for not talking much bout my buddies.
well.. im hanging out with few friends. not much of em but..
at least, close enough and im comfortable with.
jia wei ( my non identical twins )
kelly ( my kissy buddy )
chrissy ( my honey baby )
ee ling ( my childish science stud. )
yee en ( my smartest orenji )
ching loong ( my serious man )
kevan ( my naughty schoolmate )
billy ( my so-called nice guy )
shaffique ( my horny man )
aznal ( my funny guy )
bowie ( my hardworking leader )
ray ( my hot chic member )
melissa ( my pretty member )
list go on and on..
sarah.. yuen loo.. kim.. marcus.. val.. wei ling.. jackson.. cassey.. alex see.. nisha.. serena..etc etc.

well.. missed my buddies too..
old friends ? doesnt mean i forget.
i still care for you guys. muaskz.
kah yin, charlynne, sophie, min ern, michelle, joanne, chloe, amy, wei feng, alvin, isa, kaiyoung, wah boon, douglas, ang ang, sam, choon yu, colin, william, kar chun, min ern, john, syafiq, nick, benon, mei kwan, alex, val, ashleigh, chen hwa,choy, may, kit, christian, wae lern, cong, daniella, kok fai, long cheak,weil xuan, meng huei,kalai, sandra etc etc etc.

lots of love,
*sugar rush

wondering

im listening to untitled by simple plan. feeling down ? no. not really. was wondering the whole day about something. end up? i come out with some sentences.

*wondering if i have the chance,to be the one supporting you when you are feeling insecure.
wondering if i have the chance, to hold you tight when you are confusing.
wondering if i have the chance, to hug you tight when you are shivering.
wondering if i have the chance, to lend you my ears when you need someone to listen to you.
wondering if i have the chance, to smile at you when you are down.
wondering if i have the chance, to cheer you up when you are down.
wondering if i have the chance, to fill you memories when you are recalling the past.
wondering if i have the chance, to kiss on your lips when you need energy.
wondering and keep wondering..
if i can be the one that you willing to share your sadness and happiness with.

please dont say i copied. cause everything i wrote by myself. i dont know why im able to write this kind of stuff again. ever since that year we broke up and i coupled with few guys i didnt got any feelings to write stuff that are touching and loving. however, i got plenty of idea, plenty of feelings to express. especially, after i gave up trying to love others. i know i simply couldnt when there is someone standing right on my heart. which i missed the most. not forgetting every single moment we had.

after dropping claudia and ee ling. on the way back home, i cried. i dont know why i just cant stop my tears dropping. was listening to mltr in car. was recalling what had happen in the past. remembered how we used to be, how we love each other. i never regret loving him. but i regretted for not appreciate it. i dont know how to tell my buddies, i dont know what to do. in a confusing situation where i dont know the next move i can take to bring us back together. thats what i really want. unfortunately, there seems a lot of problem. another bad news.. my 7610.. suddenly hanged and off by itself. and the most unhappy part is.. all my messages gone. really sad. theres lot of precious messages. sobs.

another ordinary day

im listening to miss you like crazy by natalie cole. a song i found out its meaningful to me. its like the current situation im having towards somebody. especially the lyrics, its so true :

even though its been so long
my love for you keeps going strong
i remember the things that we used to do
a kiss in the rain till the sun shined through
id try to deny it, but im still in love with you

chorus: i miss you like crazy, i miss you like crazy
ever since youve been away
every hour of every day
i miss you like crazy, i miss you like crazy
no matter what i say or do
theres just no getting over you

i can see the love shining in your eyes
and it comes as such a sweet surprise
if seeing is believing its worth the wait
so hold me and tell me its not too late
we are so good together, we are starting forever now

*chorus

just one night and we'll have that magic feeling like we used to do
hold on tight and whatever comes our way we are gonna make it through

*chorus

when a feelings gets this strong
you know the real thing come along
*chorus

isnt it touching? well, maybe not to everyone but im kinda into this song. especially the first stanza.. its like telling what im feeling right now. im not sure if its the right thing to do. but i think its what im willing to. its a lil stupid but im fine with it. really. i wouldnt be as sure as now. wondering whats wrong with me? there are unhappy memories between us but i just simply ignore it. not remembering the unhappy one. instead, those happiness and unforgettable memories keep swinging in my mind. i just couldnt bear with it. although im interested in a guy in my class, but yet the feelings are not as strong as what im having on him. i dont know if i should continue letting myself falling deeper and deeper. but i know im really missing and loving. its been so long.. broke up for 4yrs plus but yet the feelings still there.. tried so hard to deny and to avoid falling again but theres no falling again if there is no stop falling in the first place. wouldnt it be cool if im in love with the current guy im interested and stop having feelings on him? well it certainly wont happen. firstly, the guy in my class doesnt feel the same like i do. secondly, im the one who dont wanna let go this whole thing. so whats the point ? im seriously touched when you said im the one u missed the most, and the one u had the most memories with.. im happy with it. really. it satisfy me. thats what others will never make me feel the same. thats so different. feelings im having on you, and memories that belongs to us never happen again after we left each other alone.

yesterday was valentines day. since im single, i celebrate with friends and family. well, valentines day is not only for couple right ? anyway, we went taylors. got some balloons and sweet and also candle. we tied balloons at the window of my car and went back help to pick up kelly and chingy. its sweet and funny. candle, i gave it to chrissy. we went mv for lunch. talks alot. feel that im so blessed to live in such a warm and loving family compare to the others. wouldnt wish for more. ^^ anyway, im tired. hope everyone had a nice valentines day. but im sure not a good one for my buddy that just ended her relationship. thats sad. but hey!! move on. theres a better one ahead. LOL

so called my Mr Right.

im posting again!!

things a mr right must have :
1. he must be mr oca. whenever im having problems or in trouble, he must be there for me in the first place. * got this idea from natalia*
2. taller than me. i couldnt stand a guy shorter than me. thats just so not right.
3. a pure gentlemen. which nowadays guys are like well.. not that gentlemen anymore.
4. he must support me no matter what.
5. he has to be able to click with my buddies. he must be sociable. but never ditch me cause of a friend.
6. trustworthy. i hate liars.
7. spontaneous. able to know what to say and how to say it.
8. having some sense of humour. but not being an idiot.
9. understand me and love me as much as he can.
10. pampered me. giving me surprises!! even a small one. lol

Happiness

happy is a kind of feeling, it might be short term but everyone looking forward to be happy isnt it ?? with a happy mind or happy mood, pressure will decrease. well, as for me, to be happy is not something difficult. listening to music, sleeping, watching movies, gossiping with a bunch of friends, singing, dancing, shopping and stuff like that can make my inner sensation relaxed and to be happy.. sometimes, smiling doesnt mean happy. human tried to be complicated by acting or pretending to be happy. they laughed, they smiled. but are they really happy ? deep down inside them.. is there anything to be happy ? im afraid the answer will be no. happiness is something happening through heart.. not the appearance or look thats happy. but you yourself. we cant buy the real and pure happiness. or i should say, rich or having loads money doesnt mean you are happy.. money couldnt buy you the real happiness that everyone might be having without using a single dollar. people wishing for happiness. its not hard to get it if and only if you dont hate, you dont pick on people. be simple. be real. ^^ LOL. craps alot.

was not really happy in the morning. after accounting class, i went midvalley with kelly and claudia. we had sushi king. talked alot. claudia seems unhappy but i think she can handle it. hey babe!! if ure reading this *i know youre my supporter* chill kay ? im always here for you. just give me a call. or txt me! love yer loads babe. wuahhaha. whatever. things might not be as bad as she thought. i guess. but what swing my mood is.. im bloody stupid to give him a hand on something. well, i helped someone to get 3 white roses. isnt it stupid ? he prolly think im so not interested in him or something like that. and im stupid enough to bought it. how hurt would it be? i got no idea. wouldnt want to imagine the pain. bought the love songs collection. felt so down on the way back to college. sigh.. anyway, love songs and me myself cheered me up ! or maybe im tough, just like what kelly said. wouldnt wanna know who is receiving the gorgeous white roses i bought.. well, i helped to get it anyway. LOL. good luck girl ! muahx.. think i should have know this is the ending of our story.. consider a no ending story thou..

btw.. im getting the couple ring soon. lol. happy enough. sam!! i miss you loads. hahahaha

Paintball !!

im so tired !! went port dickson with sophie, gavin, min ern and a new friend, jack. was thinking if i should go yesterday morning before meeting them at mc donald. but end up? i went. LOL. luckily i went. its fun hanging out with them. woke up 9 in the morning, took a shower then went starbucks. got a caramel frappucino and read up some magazines. after that, meet up ernie and friends at mc donald. chit-chatting for a while. they asked and convincing me to go port dickson with them. at last, i gave up. hahaha.. and went with them. so we went back to my place, chucked my stuff in my bag and left the house. *smile* gavin drove his murando or something like that. we went to his house before going port dickson. met his parents and saw greg and gary. after a while, we left the house to port dickson. 2 cars. gavs parents with greg and gary. gavin driving and sophie, jack, me and min ern followed. we arrived around 3 and had lunch at some restaurant. curry fish head. LOL. after that, we went to gavs dad place - eagle ranch resort. put our stuff in our room. girls got tp 19 and guys got tp20. then, we went to the paintball ranch. LOL. it was the first time for me and sophie. a little scared. hahhaa.. anyway, i team up with greg, gary and yi hann. gavin, sophie, min ern and jack were team. well, im not really good at it. but still better than sophie. LOL. as a beginner and a female consider ok. i actually shot min ern and sophie. wohooo~ happy already. hahhaa. after that, we went go-kart. was my first time too. hahaha.. then, we went for drinks and chit-chatting while the guys went kayak-ing. later on, we had dinner at the place beside go-cart. the food, my god ! best giler. after dinner, we went back to our resting hut, and its actually our room. bath and changed clothes. paintball gave me dirty and stink body. hahaha.. after bathing, the guys actually waiting outside our hut. so we went to the drinkin bar, ordered supper for jack and ernie. sophie and i got ourselves ice creams and chips. then, we got in the murando and went to the beach. theres no star. only cloud and the noise wave made accompany jack, me and min ern. well, sophie and gavin stayed in the car instead of sitting on the beach. we stayed for like half an hour. went back to eagle ranch. had supper and went back to our hut. zzz around 2.

woke up around 10 in the morning. had breakfast and went to the paintball ranch again. the guys played with some newbies. won the game! of course. after that, our turn to play. started with me, sophie, gavin, gary and yi hann compete with greg, min ern and jack. and the first round, they lost. greg request to exchange player. so me and yi hann went over and min ern be with gavin. LOL. funny. everyone having loads fun. and i got a headshot. gosh! pain. but still i enjoyed. then, we went for some drinks and the guys went go-cart. lunch we had buffet. then, the guys went for another round of paintball while sophie and i went back to bath. after bathing, we went to the ranch with mooo ice cream. they finished their game when we arrived. so we went back again. guys bath and we packed our stuff. and left. we are tired. especially me, jack and min ern. we slept in car. hahhaa.. with funny funny sleeping pose.

this weekend is like the first weekend me and him hardly sms. well, things seems to be different. we are not as close as before. but still got sms and talks. so im still ok with it. not always but i do missed him while im having fun at port dickson. ^^ wondering if he feels the same. yea~ i wish.

Back In Motion

things are totally different after a night. everything can changed within night. i wouldnt explain much.. perhaps, a lil bout it. ive changed my mind. was thinking to let go and giving up before i actually admitted something. before 10th of february 2006, im still hesitating to face it or not. bout the feelings im having on him. but now ? owh well.. i think ill say.. yea~ i do like him. not as a normal friend. the consequences are both side. the positive one is yea.. im brave enough to admit it. but the negative one is too bad he doesnt feel the same like i do. i guess. hmm.. its kinda sad but thats what is all about. at least i face it and amitted i like him. well, not by telling him in person but indirectly he will know about it. LOL. unfortunately, i got lot of competitors according to what hed told me all this time. yea~ lot of admirer i guess. but still, ill respect his choice. im not desperately to have a boyfriend anyway. is just.. yea~ feelings come just like that.
who knows what will happen next ?

went curve with mama, brother & sister. had our lunch at sake sushi. then we went to the handphone shop. i ordered my w900i and they only have it prolly next week.. so guess ill just have to wait. hmmm. its cheap. cheaper than 2k. *wink* mama got herself a new phone too. samsumg d600 if im not mistaken. some push up phone. look elegant. ^^ sis was buggin to has one as well, but too bad. a big no no for secondary 4 student to keep changing phone like that!!

got chrissy msn last night and we chat for a while. she is really a nice girl. sweet as well. friendly and crazy too. at least, can communicate. not like halley, a girl i met at my cousins place.. omg, communication breaks down man! is fun to talks alot. gossiping and stuff like that. not to say we are 'kepoh' or what but.. yea~ girl simply enjoy gossiping and shopping. LOL.

Malaysian Studies better than Moral Studies!!

current song : amazing kiss - boa
current mood : happy + confusing.

was lazy to post yesterday. got accounting class in the morning. then, claudia & i went ikano for brunch and she got stuff for kenny. yea~ valentine's day. after that, we studied. at my place till 8something. how crazy ?! we skipped lan. haha.. naughty. wtv.

today!!! got 4 hours of law in the morning. after that i went subway with chingy, kelly, emily, claudia & ee ling. were chit-chattin and drinkin. chingy was trying to act fierce but it turns out to be funny. well, some sense of humor. haha.. then, we went back for economy class. she gave us assignment and some q&a. guess i just need to read up the notes we photocopied at joys. after class, claudia, me & bowie stayed. asking question again. she might be sick of us. almost every classes. we took cab back to pbd. i got myself & billy the caramel frappucino at starbucks and claudia bought the rhumba frappucino. then, we went for lan. malaysian studies. it suppose to be a bored subject but i dont feel so. well, at least not at this moment. we merge with shaffique, aznal, melissa & another indian fella which i dont know his name.*will check it out tomorrow*. doing some project thats related to the unity or stuff like that. we came out with different ideas. some funny shit. laugh out loud. wondering what will we come out with..

valentines day is around the corner. well, next tuesday if im not mistaken. wondering what will happen on that day.. still thinking to go out with my ex or going some single gathering.. or the bored one.. stay at home chewing chips watching c.s.i.. it sounds great anyway. but kinda sad. nahh.. wtv. dont care. lol. valentines day is not only for lovers rite. for me, its a day when everyone treat each other sincerely and lovely. not to say you dont do this the other days but you show it out that day. for example, theres no problem buying present for your friends and family. because you love em. valentines day emphasized love isnt it? so i love my family and friends as well. but to get all of em present, that takes time. and yea~ money. i need financial support !! hahaha. anyway. im givin my friends surprises on valentines day. not all of em. but yea~ something special. LOL. its been so long since i last celebrate valentines day. well, something abnormal i guess. every relationship im into.. will end before valentines day. even worst one day before valentines. wth. whats wrong with me? i dont know and dont care. prolly gonna stay single. as i think im starting or might give up on that particular fella thats acting dumb and yea~ dont care. it hurt so much to like you the way i do and realized how much you dont care. thats what i put as my nickname and almost become my motto of the month. hahah.. serious. im serious.

people told me is kinda obvious im interested in that particular fella. which actually.. not true. im like 50 50. not sure if i really like him or what. i admire him as he seems to be a nice fella. but im not sure if im having the feeling like what my friends thought. so i guess ill figure it out someday. wouldnt care to bother it now. and is true. im tired of answering those question. is like im having a Q&A marathon. gosh! ask him instead of me. i dont know anything. and its not under my control. seriously. owh. did i mentioned rachie? well, shes nice. hahaa.. in fact, fun. thought she must be those quiet and cool chick who doesnt hang around. but we chat last night on msn. she seems nice and friendly. ^^ so now i got another friend. new friend called rachel. LOL. ok. back to the problem. well, what problem ? im not having any. really. and im telling the truth. i really dont know if i like him. if im sure about it. ill just tell you : " yea~ i like him. " so chill baby! dont worry bout my love life. hahaa.. although i know you love me. dont worry, i love you too.

owh my. missing my buddies hell loads. missing min ern the sexy monkey. well, not sexy. i would say.. horny instead. hahaha.. bet he is missing me too. of course! he txt me and said he missed me. owh. how sweet! and same to sophie and charlynne my sexy babes. huh.. no no.. i need some reunion thing. lol. how bout gathering at padang kota. LOL. shoot. thats a big no. hahahaa.. might as well gathering at friendster cafe. a place where we can enjoy the air cond and food without feeding mosquito. hmm.. think about it. and not forget to asked kalai out too. miss hot mama loads.

keeping mom

current mood : sick
current song : goodbye my love - james blunt

had law class in the morning. then, claudia, me & billy got like 6 hours break. so we decided to watch movie at mv. i drove home to get my laptop. then billy drove us there to mv. he went to get his 1gb memory card while claudia & i bought our ticket at gsc. called kar chun. he suggested us to have lunch at little vietnam. so both of us went there before its open. picked up the menu and choosing food. im kinda picky LOL. billy joined us later on. talks alot. had tom yam soup there. lovin it. at least it tasted much better than the spicy beef billy ordered. after lunch we went it world. he wanted to transfer stuff from the 64mb to his 1gb. thats so "ma fan". movie [keeping mum] starts around 12.50pm. so we walked around nike shop and studio r before going to the cinema. claudia told me the movie will be a little scary which is so not true. keeping mom = no no. dont really like it. kinda bored. waiting to watch the descent again. well, watched with boon & kar chun they all but i hardly concentrate. it frighten me most of the time and im covering my eyes and ears almost all the time. LOL. wasting. might be going out this fri to watch again.

wondering why guys are so not sensitive. well, i seriously do think she still likes him but he just simply doesnt realize. or pretend to be? acting dumb? i dont know. i just dont understand. they are really close till he doesnt realize or what? well, maybe im a bit too much. stop thinking bout things that are non of my business. practically, non of my business. humphh. whatever. she is a nice girl. smart. hot. elegant. anyway, is still his choice in the end. im like that anyway. hahaha. keeping it to myself. hiding my feelings. unfortunately, im going to give up. cant stand of it. i mean, yea.. shouldnt wasted my time on someone that doesnt feel the same like i do. owh. how sad. but hey.. im sylvia. tough. self-controlled. better still vivacious. LOL. nothing can hit me down. not now. i do care about the relationship we are having. yea ~ its complicated. sometimes it make me feel sick. tired of it. giving hints but he just dont care. yea ~ who cares anyway. by the time im really tired of it. not now i guess. maybe tomorrow. next week. or next month. ill just leave it. wouldnt want to hurt myself. just like what ive always telling friends "it hurts so much to love someone and realize he doesnt care at all ". and i found another sentence which is '' loving you gives me the motivation to treat you better but realizing you dont care suck up my energy to be happy ".

whatever you named it

wondering why am i posting daily. sort of my daily routine. so am i telling the public ? not secret anymore. right ? everyone reading ? well, not exactly. at least, some who don't even care bout me wouldnt bother reading this piece of shit im writing or i should say posting. so now im publishing my life ? sort of.

am no longer secondary kiddo. but the college girl. yeah ~ im now at Help University College. wondering why must it be university college. sigh. whatever. unexpectedly, my life seems to be better than before. well i do missed my buddies- Sophie char michelle isa min ern jun john kyoung nick tristen kalai zach & others but i just love my current life. sri kdu secondary 5 dickens of year 2005 is still the best no matter what. missed those days at penang! missed clubbing with em. and now, in help im hanging out with different people. claudia, chick from kuen cheng. funny girl, crazy enough to make us laugh all time. and her boy kenny, a future lawyer wannabe. ^^ yee en, smarty from kuen cheng too. chubby cutie pie. real smart and another lawyer wannabe. ee ling, catholic ex-schoolmate. well, small and short. hahaha.. smart thou. hui zhi, catholic chick that brought me to the others. kelly, billy, kevan, ching loong from sm stella marries. nice friend. fun to hang out with em. especially kelly and billy. ching loong is serious all time. perhaps a little fierce. kevan the good looking dude might receive lots of love notes. he is not that good looking actually but he is just simply attractive. syafique is noisy in class but he make sure our classes are not dull. nisha, kim and gang are sharp and smart. another clever and hot chick gang would be michelle, yi siin and their gang. basically everything seems interesting to me. LOL. will discover later on. oh ~ alex is muscular !! whatever. i don't care.

breaking news!! sisterhood between me and my so-called 'sister' blew off. for some reasons. which i seriously dont feel like mentioning or even think about it. its just another disappointment. guess friends and buddies out there dont know about it. or maybe not sure about our situation. so make things easy, need not to guess.. im now telling the public *friends* yeah~ we are not as close as before. so get the picture ? stop asking stuff that related both of us. we are practically two individuals. dont mix it. not like we are twins like the famous may and choy. im sylvia and my surname is chang. shes houi yun and her surname is koe. get it right dude.

found something on friendster bulletin board. wondering if my friends read it. its so true. it said ~ sometimes friend can be nice..most of em are.. some we get very close to.. even till the extend they become our besties or even lovers. but this doesnt mean theyre sincere. they might put on a fake mask to make you believe they are true. but theyll just come and hit you when you least expect it. and tear you down so badly. well, not everyone did that but it seriously happening. im so sick of it. pretender? faker? god.. why not apply play a role on tv or something? might win the granny award or stuff like that. being someone youre not is really tiring. was trying to be someone im not when im with him. but not anymore. told ya! 18yrs old sylvia chang xiao wei *thats me!*. a brand new girl. brand new life. with attitude and personality. be real. be yourself. LOL.

Company Dinner

current mood : happy

well. i'm alwiz happy nowadays. everythin's alrite. or mayb i shuld say.. i'm grown up. ^^ can handle things well. hahaha~ realliee.. i mean i noe how to settle stuff by mua own, not realliee successful but at least, i'm okieeez. n i finalliee sort out wat's de different btw animal & human.. not a gud thing but.. yea.. human noe how to control n hide their feelings.. unlike animal.. dey'll show out wtv dey feel.. lyk ferr dog, dey'll shake tails when they're happy.. de male deer will jump higher when dey saw sum1 dey <3 .. but ferrr human.. we noe how to control feelings n hide it.. hmmm.. n i think i'm pretty good at it.. i mean in controlling n hiding feelings.. to make sure stg awkward doesn't exist btw me & de one i actualliee <3.. hmphh.. so iz betta not to make anii move.. stay cool. chilled.

nite. went sumwhere at jln raja chulan ferrr dinner. bored til de max man !! too bad bi dunno de way dere.. if not i'm definitely goin out wid him. sigh. sienz! he called.. bitching hahaha.. not realieee.. but yea.. now everyone noe he has got a secret admirer. LOL. good luck man !

tired of it

current mood : confused

was at sunway de whole morning. met mua cousin, she's de onlee cousin sister dhat's cute, prettiee & smart. iz been so long since we last met, 2 yrs ago i guez. she's gettin married soon, end of de yer. sweet & happiee i guez. iz hard to get sum1 u <3 n got de chance to live happily eva after.. ^^ she told me dhat de restaurant fully booked til next yr.. omg! wat's wrong? how come suddenlee so many couple gettin married, signing de paper & spending $$ ferrr honeymoon ?? LOL. honeymoon.. hmmm.. suppose to <3 dis honeymoon thing. i noe myself well.. if dere's a chance.. i wan mua honeymoon to be at somewhere lyk paris, rome & hawaii.. paris.. de french are romantic.. rome.. sumwhere i lyk.. hawaii.. hot & warm.. hmmm.. dunno if mua future man willing to spend times & money ferr me. sigh. wtv. hahahaa..

was thinkin bt stg last nite. guez i'm startin to feel tired & finalliee feel lyk givin up.. dere's no point ferr me to keep doin stuff lyk dis since i noe he doesn't care aniiwae.. juz lyk wat he alwiz said bt other stuff.. hu cares. or wtv.. yeaa~ i'm tired of it.. startin to lyk him doesn't mean i muz keep doin' de same thing. . found stg on net " it hurt so much to <3 u de way i do & realize how much u dun care ". dhat's so right. iz so true ! ferrr me, well.. not <3 yet but i still.. care. which.. make me feel bad..

[edited]
boon, marcus, douglas & ang came. followed dem to ou ferr movie. watched the descent. omg! iz de most disgustin movie i've eva watched.. especiallee de part where de lady's bone poke out. yucks ! den juno & holly push it bac to it normal position. owh.. feel lyk throwing out. hmmm.. iz not ghost movie.. iz actualliee a movie bt advantures chiqs went a new strange cave to advanture. iz a cave dhat no1 eva discovered. dey saw some creatures.. look lyk human but definitely not human being.. some creepy freak.. dey couldn't c n dey eat human & animals. hmmm.. dun feel lyk talkin bt it dee.. yucks ! saw zhi seng n friends. dislike de two chiq. hmmmm.. wtv. met sophie too.. god.. miss her loads.!

He'll be back

current mood : happy

my family & i were at awana since tues nite. havin fun dere. de nite b4 ystdaee. kit andy & sam visited us. den we gamble in our apartment. i'm lucky enuff to 'earn' some cash ferr de heels. yea~ i'm gettin a 2inches heels soon. LOL. dun wanna wear de 4inches heels, it hurts ! lalala~ aniiwaee, we're havin fun dhat nite. ^^ but de real fun & happy moment was last nite. spend de whole nite wif may choy kit andy & adrian. dey're realliee frenlee. i'm serious! dey hugged us when we arrived lyk no1 else dere. hahaha.. i can see & i felt people wif jealousy n envy mood lookin over our table. after dinner, we went genting. going 'be a star'. karaoke time !! yea~ fun too. may & choy have good voice, dey can sing !! adrian's cute. de way he sang. hahahaa.. we took pictures. gossiping n stuff. later on, dey went to a place where under 21 r not allowed. so me, mua brother & sister stayed in de room. continue our singing session. kit came back after 10minutes. hahaha.. checked his ic, n he's under 21. omg! we laughed. he sang, finally. kit's voice is real deep. he sang 'from de bottom of mua broken <3'> choy and sylvia

choy sylvia seline may

12stg noon, 2nd feb. he'll b bac another 2 hours i guez. if i'm not wrong. kinda surprised. well, received his msg on tues nite. rmb he told me dere's onlieee 3 bucks left in his phone. tot he might use it ferrr stg. but he replied mua msg! dhat's weird. overseas rate, 2bucks per msg. ex shit !!! aniiwae, guez he's enjoyin! angkor wat.. cambodia.. hmmm.. *wondering* nahh.. will ask him later. lol.

tris was here. he's leavin tmr nite. sigh. gonna miss him ! lalala~